


The Completely Inept Courtship of the One-Winged Angel's Cloud

by Anonymous



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Crack, Epistolary, M/M, POV Outsider, Stalking, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 04:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 34,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2534822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sephiroth finally manages to kill everyone during one of his many returns from the dead. He is a badass, nearly all powerful god of destruction and completely bored out of his oh so perfect, superior mind now that he’s gotten his way. He starts missing his fights with his only rival and the entertainment they provided but cannot pull the other away from a protective lifestream for long or return him to life. So he decides with nothing better to do and ridiculous amounts of power, he’ll just return them to a point in time when they both were alive and Sephiroth had easy access to manipulate his favorite puppet.</p>
<p>Cloud is not happy to find himself a trainee/infantryman again and the other Firsts and upper management cannot for the life of them figure out why the “Great Sephiroth” is stalking the blond and acting like a bratty, bullying seven year old with his first crush.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. After Incident Report: The Cafeteria Incident

**After Incident Report - Witness Interview**

**Witness: Pvt. Ganzorig Bodner**

**Incident: S602-1**

**Taking Officer: Lt. Caj Minow**

**Memo:** I was assigned to gather reports from witnesses and bystanders in regards to incident S602-1, the destruction of the ~~preferred~~ ShinRa cafeteria and subsequent personality and behavioural changes noted in SOLDIER 1st Class Sephiroth. This report contains the transcribed testimony of Private Bodner, a direct witness to the event and preceding confrontation. My recommendation is that this report be officially forwarded to the Investigative Division of General Affairs office.

-Signed Lt. Caj Minow

**Testimony:**

I’m not in trouble, right? You just want to know what I saw? And informal means I can swear, right? Because if you only ever got to use cuss words to help you describe one incident in all your life, it should be what happened with Strife and Sephiroth.

Shiva’s c–urled hair.

Right. It was 0827 – I know it exactly because my shift ended at 0800 and it takes me exactly twenty-two minutes in a sleep-deprived state to reach and enter the cafeteria and I’d been standing in line for five minutes.

No, really, one of my friends timed it.

I’d been up all night on guard duty so I just wanted to eat and crash, that’s it, the whole reason I was there that morning.

Right, so, I don’t know Strife personally, okay? Different squads, different duties, different work schedules, different leisure times. We probably nodded to each other in the corridors once or twice, but that’s it, all the interaction I had with Strife before. I’m telling you this so you understand – even I could tell something was wrong with Strife the minute he stumbled in.

It wasn’t just the way he looked at everything, like he’d never seen the place before, or like everyone in it was wearing tutus and acting like everything was normal. Everything about him was just – off. Not what you expected, not just from Strife, but from any infantryman. It was the way he held himself, it was the way he looked at us, it was the way he spoke when he demanded to know what was going on. He didn’t even look the same – not some massive change or anything, but something, something that just made you shake your head and wonder what it was that you couldn’t figure out – had he changed his hair a little, maybe? Was he taller? Had he put on muscle? Lost his puppy fat? Had his ears pierced? Something small that just completely threw you off.

He was just… different. I’d had about the most casual relationship with him that you can have with someone you’ve actually met and I could still tell, so I dunno what his friends thought.

And there were his eyes, of course. Glowing. Bright as any First Class. Brighter, even, maybe.

He just stared at us all like he couldn’t believe his eyes, and we stared at him like we couldn’t believe ours – would you? An infantryman just walking into the cafeteria one day with SOLDIER eyes?

Not that he walked in, nothing so casual – like I said, he stumbled in, staggered like he’d been hit with a truncheon.

Uh. He wasn't, by the way. I mean, someone might have tried, but –

He stumbled in. Not like a new SOLDIER, nothing like that. I mean, you can _tell_ when someone’s had their first mako shower – he wasn’t moving anything like that. It was more like – someone in great emotional shock, you know? Or, um, like after battles sometimes, just – shellshocked.

He stood there, staring at everything and everybody, breathing quick and shallow; he was on his way to a full blown panic attack, I thought, and it didn’t help that people were starting to swarm, asking him what was wrong, what had happened, how the hell had his eyes become glowlights, did he need a medic –

And then he – words can’t really describe what it felt like to watch, okay – he sort of clutched at his head, like you’d imagine a dog would, hearing its master’s whistle. If, you know, a dog had hands. …forget I said that.

I mean, you hear about SOLDIERs being able to hear frequencies above normal human hearing but that was the first time I really believed it – it was like there was a drill going right next to his ear, but only he could hear it. That’s what it looked like.

It was so sudden, and his reaction so fierce, everybody around him just kind of jerked back all at once, made this giant circle with him in the centre and that’s when Sephiroth turned up.

I can say this, right? I’m not gonna, like, get hauled off by the Turks or anything?

Okay. So that’s when Sephiroth turns up – I’d never seen him up close before, shit, no wonder the whole ‘who would you go gay for’ game was unanimous – and he just _looks_ at Strife, freaking out in the middle of the cafeteria, I’m talking like a ‘if I could drag you into a dark corner right now you’d be walkin’ funny on the way out’ sort of look. Which. Uh. Weird enough.

And then he said his name. First, not last, and he said it like – I’m really not going to get written up or anything for anything I say here? – like a Honeybee with their first really wealthy john – don’t look at me like that, some of us can’t afford the goods in Sector 4, thanks – this kind of purr, you know? Like, you know it’s a job and everything, but it really sounds like it’s not and maybe it isn’t because you know, that level of fucking money, I’d purr for that too, no fakery here.

Anyway. That’s how he said ‘Cloud’, like he could roll it around on his tongue all day and never get tired of it, like it was everything he ever wanted and absolutely nothing else existed for him.

[cough] Yeah, it was, uh, special.

Strife, he sort of – flared up. I mean, he’s a small guy, and he looks, um, pretty, you know, but not – not like Sephiroth is, the sort of thing you can acknowledge without a few Blitzers – but when he looked at Sephiroth it was like, whoa, where’d those teeth come from. Like that cute little dog you were thinkin’ of petting just whipped out a fucking tentacle, like, ‘surprise, bitch! Motherfuckin’ guard hound!’

I actually backed up a step and I wasn’t even one of the ones ringing him.

“You,” he said, and I never heard anybody pack so much fury into one syllable, I swear, the room heated up a few degrees. Not in the good way. Although I don’t think Sephiroth would’ve minded. Or, um, the spectators. Just, Sephiroth should be a spectator sport, man. Everything he does is just another level. Walking, talking, fighting, fuc-- guy’s good to look at, whatever.

Strife looked at him like he’d like to burn him alive with his eyes though, _yelled_ at him, “This is all your fault!”

I couldn’t really process that, because you know how much contact the big guy normally has with the lower ranks? Ranks like me and Strife? That’s right, zip, zilch, nada. If it ain’t mission assigned, you might as well be on a different continent for all you see him. At least you could watch him on TV over there, instead of doing drills in the smog.

So that’s thought number one, how the hell did they even have enough contact for there to be a fault – I worded that really badly, but you get me. Number two is like, ‘all your fault for what?’ The mako? 'Cause I didn’t know you could, ah, pass it on. Or just, I don’t know, state of being? That was the way Strife said it, like he was blaming Sephiroth for his entire state of being.

Sephiroth – he _grinned_ , all smug and pleased, and I don’t think he took his eyes off Strife’s face for a second. And then he – I shit you not – he actually said, “So sorry,” in that singsong sarcastic way kids do when they’re being little shits and want you to know they’re not sorry at all.

And that’s when Strife went Green.

I’ve never seen a SOLDIER go Green, but if it’s anything like what happened with Strife, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if half the infantry didn’t just try and abandon the battlefield the minute the word went through the ranks. Or maybe it wouldn’t need a word, because everybody in that room, every single one of us, we _felt_ it when Strife Greened. Nothing like a Limit. They tell you it is, but it really, really isn’t.

It was the way fine hairs stand on end when there’s a thunderstorm, or the way every cell in your body just goes _fuck this shit for a lark_ when a tonberry starts waddling towards you. Every instinct said ‘abort, abort, abort! Get out!’

It just happened _so fast_ , we couldn’t.

One second, Strife was standing there, glaring at Sephiroth like he was going to go for his throat with his teeth if he had to, the next, he was swinging this sword inches – if that – away from Sephiroth’s head.

I don’t even know, it was like he pulled that thing out of nowhere.

And Sephiroth, he really did pull his sword out of nowhere – there is no way any of us could have missed him carrying the Masamune, it’s not exactly an easy thing to overlook – grinning like he’s been told he’s got a free lifetime pass to the Gold Saucer and he can camp in the Battle Square or something.

I threw myself under the nearest solid object because I know when to pull a tactical retreat, and it was just. Just. I mean, I was scared shitless, they were tearing up the entire cafeteria around me, but it was also… awe-inspiring. Absolutely incredible, the _speed_ with which they moved, I could barely follow it, sometimes I couldn’t even see them, they moved so fast – and the swords, they _sang_.

You hear about Sephiroth’s skill but chances are pretty much nil that you’ll ever see it, and even then, I don’t think you’d ever get to see what I saw there, because I’ve never heard of Sephiroth having an equal before. Whenever Strife met him, point for point, it just spurred him on, he got quicker and craftier and fiercer and nastier, but you could tell that at the same time he was having so much _fun_.

I always heard he was serious, stand-offish, you know? But he fought with Strife like –

It’s weird, but the first comparison that came to my head was, uh, like he was serenading him. You know it’s ridiculous, but when you’re in love, you can get down on your knees and belt out a love song to someone _in public_ and not care what anyone else thinks.

Not that I think he’s in love or anything! I’m just saying, it was that sort of indifference to the world around him. Maybe the rest of the world existed, maybe it didn’t, but Strife absolutely _did_ and that was all that mattered, all the reality needed.

I don’t know who won. I crawled out of there on hands and knees the second I thought I could probably make it to the hole in the wall without being incidentally skewered in the attempt.

You could still hear it going on two halls away – the only reason we didn’t have more casualties is because we cast Sleep and dragged the gawkers away if we had to – and I could swear I heard Sephiroth laughing at some point.

Man, my knees are still shaking. Can I go? I really, really need a drink.


	2. The Secretarial Department

**From:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**To:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 11:15:54 MST  
**Subject:** Did you see that?!?!

Tell me we have it on camera, oh please please please.

\----

 **From:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**To:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 11:16:23 MST  
**Subject:** RE: Did you see that?!?!

For the love of Titan, Marte, how many times must I say this? Details. (If Sephiroth is involved – pictures.)

\----

 **From:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**To:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 11:32:29 MST  
**Subject:** I can’t believe you don’t know!

For once I am the gossip queen!!

Girdle yourself, my dear.

So you know Sephiroth’s developed A Thing for that one fine ass piece of jailbait, of course. Who doesn’t, right? Well, Jailbait attempted a jailbreak (haha) and actually tried to desert. No joke, he actually managed to get to admin and ask about being withdrawn – tried to claim he wasn’t cut out for soldiering or something. I nearly bust a gut when I heard those two morons who were at the desk protesting it wasn’t their place to argue if someone wants the equivalent of dishonourable discharge. Kids these days. The Company has you until they don’t want to, isn’t that right Rita?

No idea how he managed to even get that far, he’s pretty distinctive looking – you seen those pics going round?? mmhmm, few years older and you bet I’d hit that like the fist of Gigas – that boy has the makings of one fiiiine man and you know my thing for blonds. (Not that I’ll actually lay a finger on the doll, ever – Sephiroth might as well piss around him in a circle, I’m not an idiot, I don’t want to die. I’m going to be young and beautiful forever!!)

Anyway trying to withdraw sent up a flag on the system, then somebody noticed it was attached to pretty boy untouchable, and the panic, the sheer panic that went through the bigwigs, it was the most heart-warming thing I’ve seen working for ShinRa since little Jimmy got that operation.

They actually sent a bunch of Turks, can you believe that?? Like what were they going to do, just stand there and tell him to get in the elevator and press up?? Because you can bet your last gil if there was a hand on him that wasn’t Sephiroth’s it was getting chopped off. Maybe Sephiroth's too, that man needs to learn how to _woo_ , Jailbait clearly needs something more than just 'you, me, bed now', weird as you and I and much of the known world may think him.

Anywho, standoff going on at the admin desk, all those Turks trying to work out how they can drag Jailbait away without actually touching him, Jailbait clearly deciding if he should fight or run, the tension’s as thick as Palmer... and then the elevator chimes. Everything’s a half-second from exploding and Sephiroth just walks in, strides right past all the Turks with all hands on weapons, flings Jailbait over his shoulder like a sack of victory spoils and walks off with him.

I say again – tell me we got it on camera.

\----

 **From:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**To:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 11:37:03 MST  
**Subject:** Wait

Little Jimmy never did get that op, did he?

\----

 **From:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**To:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 12:47:27 MST  
**Subject:** I thought you were joking!

Sending files momentarily.

Holy fucking shit.

\----

 **From:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**To:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**Cc:** [ShinRa Secretarial Department]  
**Date:** 21 July, 12:49:43 MST  
**Subject:** For posterity

` [Three attachments found]`

CAM138_1_093257_21_09_0002.zip  
CAM138_2_093257_21_09_0002.zip  
CAM138_3_093257_21_09_0002.zip

\----

 **From:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**To:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 12:52:03 MST  
**Subject:** RE: For posterity

The gods bless ShinRa’s paranoia and nonexistent idea of privacy. Look at his face!!

\----

 **From:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**To:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 13:03:27 MST  
**Subject:** I know!

Just. _look at that_. It's like he bluescreened the moment Sephiroth picked him up and that expression is the perfectly timed and preserved result. It's amazing, I need a working printer.

\----

 **From:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**To:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 13:09:03 MST  
**Subject:** oh to be a camera in that bedroom when it all happens

and you know ShinRa's got em. I would pay so much for a _glimpse_ , not even joking.

\----

 **From:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**To:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 13:10:27 MST  
**Subject:** That's not legal in the slightest

And Sephiroth would kill you. I won't give you a good eulogy, I hope you know. I'll tell everyone about that thing with that Turk and why you're not allowed to use the photocopier on their floor.

\----

 **From:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**To:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 13:11:04 MST  
**Subject:** RE: That's not legal in the slightest

It's sweet how you think I have shame.

Look, it would be worth it. We're beyond lying to each other, you know it would. Some things are worth dying for. Like for instance, porn involving Sephiroth. Actual Sephiroth, not a guy in a wig.

\----

 **From:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**To:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 13:13:27 MST  
**Subject:** I can't believe you've watched that

I thought ShinRa destroyed every single copy of All Anal on the Wutai Front. And sued everybody involved into oblivion. Not that I've ever tried to find a copy.

\----

 **From:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**To:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 13:16:04 MST  
**Subject:** RE: I can't believe you've watched that

It was when it first appeared. I was drunk so I don't actually remember much of it, but the guy was nowhere near Sephiroth enough and I think the wig fell off at one point. It was so ridiculous it was almost entertaining. Just not the right way.

Speaking of ridiculously entertaining, did you hear what happened after Sephiroth walked off with his prize?

\----

 **From:** Rita A Brymer [ritabrymer@shinra.org]  
**To:** Marte Elhers [m.elhers@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 21 July, 13:17:43 MST  
**Subject:** EVERYBODY heard about that

Like you said: the gods bless ShinRa’s paranoia and non-existent idea of privacy.


	3. Incident Report: Destruction Of M-09 Hallway

**Memo** : I’m not sure the consequences of misfiling one of these is clear enough for your standard infantryman. Perhaps make it clearer that rehabilitation sentencing involves the Science Department?

• Lt. Caj Minow

 

** Incident Report **

(I.) Fill out report completely and accurately.  
(II.)Active duty personnel are required to send a copy to your Commanding Officer.  
(III.) Send the completed report to ShinRa Headquarters, Security Department, Division 5, within ten (10) days of the incident.

**Warning: Wilful filing of an inaccurate or incomplete report is a violation of ShinRa Military Code. Penalties for improper filings may include reduction in rank, dishonourable discharge, loss of military pension, and/or rehabilitation sentencing, as appropriate.**

** Section I. Parties **

**Name, Rank, Posting and ID Number of Filer:**  
Vedran Mandler, Private (sob), Midgar, 607 ~~-something-something-something? Check later~~ 895.

**Commanding Officer of Filer:**  
~~How far up do I have to go?~~ Captain Eckhert? ~~Look! It wasn’t my fault this time!~~

**Was Filer Personally Involved?**  
No? Just a bystander. ~~Does that count? wait, obviously it does since I have to file this.~~

**Date of Incident:**  
What’s today’s date? 9 days ago.

**Location:**  
Some hallway. I can never remember the numbers, I just follow everyone else. Not exactly hard to find though, all you've got to do is look for the one that's been turned into rubble.

**List All ShinRa Personnel Involved:**  
Sephiroth. ~~That trooper~~ Cloud Strife. ~~Spectators.~~ Privates Wren, Kidema, Tanagier, unknown, unknown, and unknown with SID beginning with 5. Me?

**List All Non-ShinRa Personnel Involved:**  
Does such a thing exist in Midgar?

 

** Section II. Impact **

**Losses Or Adverse Consequences:**  
(Describe all losses or negative outcomes of the incident as fully as possible in the appropriate categories. Enter none for a category only if certain that no adverse impacts relating to the category have occurred. List any mitigating arguments available to ShinRa related to the loss or adverse outcome.)

**Loss Of Life:**  
None (?) ~~Wait for the obits.~~

**Injury To Life:**  
Edd got knocked out when the wall came down, but they fixed that right up in Medical. Unsure if others had similar, but I assume if they did they're already out of Medical because I haven't seen any.

**Loss or Damage To ShinRa Property:**  
Immense. ~~If you wanted specific numbers, I can't help you. Private, hello.~~

**Loss or Damage To Other Property:**  
I thought everything was Shinra property.

**Damage to Diplomatic Relationships:**  
None. ~~Well maybe, you never know with Wutai ninjas, right? Could have been there snacking on popcorn while the rest of us got the hell out of the way.~~

**Damage to ShinRa's Reputation:**  
Internal or external? Be more clear, incident form!

**Violation of Regulations:**  
Not a clue. I’m assuming 'booty calling on-duty' is mentioned in the regs somewhere under 'don’t'.

**Any Charges Or Legal Actions Under Civilian Legal Codes:**  
What happens in ShinRa, stays in ShinRa. Unless Sephiroth is involved, then the news goes through Midgar twice in half an hour. None of which matters because ShinRa’s legal codes are the only legal codes, why is this still a question?

**Itemise Any Other Known Or Suspected Adverse Outcomes:**  
Known:  
That hallway is definitely wrecked, which means rooms 11-22 are out of commission. Damn, Materia Theory recently moved in to Room 15. What a shame.

Suspected:  
Strife is going to make a break for the northern continent and become a hermit. Sephiroth will follow him and may or may not drag him back by his fluffy hair, depends what ShinRa can offer the Gaea cliffs can’t. ~~Probably heating.~~

 

** Section III. Scope And Circumstances:  **

**Did This Incident Occur In The Line Of Duty?**  
I wasn’t on-duty, don’t know about Sephiroth, and I heard from Aingeru that Strife was actively trying to resign at the time so it’s a bit muddy there. I’m going to guess no, but don’t hold it against me.

**Describe The Incident:**  
(Include as much detail as possible about the incident and any relevant interactions with non-ShinRa personnel. List any mitigating factors or justifying circumstances.)

Me and Edd were leaving Room 15, having had a question to be sorted out by the lecturer – Edd claimed that our papers were due the next day, I said next week. Edd was right, which was surely a violation of sense and natural law and I don’t know how it can be allowed to stand.

So we walked out, ready to go back to dorms and ~~bullshit a report like never before~~ study. So far, so incident-less.

Sephiroth stepped into the hall carrying Strife over his shoulder like a pirate making off with his booty – from our point of view, incident begins. Strife looked stunned (maybe materia influence, because from what I’ve heard that’s surprisingly docile for Strife), Sephiroth didn’t get that he should be looking triumphant or ~~‘I’m so gonna wreck that’~~ something and just walked past all ‘nothing to see here’.

Given the surreal nature of that entrance, I think it perfectly justified that we ~~stood there in shock~~ paused to consider the situation.

About halfway down the hall, Strife figured out he was being carried off like some barbarian’s bride and started struggling. Flailing, screaming, furiously inventive insults, the works. This brought other observers because why wouldn’t it?

Eventually Sephiroth had to dump him on the floor, Strife was thrashing about so much. He probably didn’t have to put a boot on his chest and tell him no amount of uncoordinated flailing would stop him (creepy, sir, real creepy) and there was absolutely nowhere he could run that he wouldn’t follow ~~now that’s hitting stalker alert 11, and it normally only goes to 10.-~~

There was some sort of debate about it being payback for something? I don’t remember the exact details ~~I'm not a robot, I don't have vid review or perfect recall for fuck's sake.~~ I think that’s a justifying factor for what happened when Sephiroth removed his foot. I mean, I’d go for the balls if my stalker tried to tell me I stalked him first so he was perfectly justified stalking me back. ~~Did that make sense to anyone else? I’m getting dizzy and stalking no longer looks like a word.~~

(For the record, pretty sure Strife isn’t a member of any fanclubs. And if he was, he’s undoubtedly resigned with prejudice.)

Sephiroth laughed like there was no better time to be had than dodging groin kicks and got into the spirit of things by throwing Strife against a wall. Into a wall. Through a wall. He might have meant to do the first, but he got the other two free as a bonus.

Strife literally just shook brick dust off himself like it was no big deal and went for the solar plexus. Sephiroth lit up like the Gold Saucer, like he thought Strife was playing, and let me tell you, he wasn't. When Sephiroth dodged and Strife's fist went into the wall behind him, the wall broke instead of Strife's hand. I don't know who taught that kid martial arts but I never want to meet them.

Spirit of things started looking a little dangerous, so Edd and me tried to get out before swords came out (they never did, actually – I think the hallways are too narrow for the Masamune to be unsheathed. Maybe that’s the point of them? ~~I’m on to you, urban designers~~ ). Edd got knocked out when Strife sent a piece of wall back at Sephiroth. Blood absolutely everywhere, but no lasting damage done. Okay, he still has to be spoonfed, but only for another day or two while the Cure finishes the fiddly brainwork.

Logic, common sense and self-preservation insisted on getting to other side of Midgar, so I dragged Edd with me to the Med Wing (I know you’re not supposed to move someone with head injuries, but it was probable death versus certain death, I am pretty sure I made the right call and I don't regret it.)

Strife apologised, by the way. He came to the Med Wing like three hours later to do it, and he looked five seconds from trying to steal a helicopter and making for the north the entire time, so I accepted for Edd, because really, we should have run the moment we saw Sephiroth step into the hall with him in the first place. The entertainment value was definitely not high enough to counter the near-death likelihood, in retrospect.

 

**Fully Describe The Incident:**  
(Include a description of all circumstances that may be relevant.)

I just did! I swear, that’s all I know!

shit is this pen fuck


	4. From the Desk of Scarlet

Salaries – suitable number of zeroes. Mine is still higher than Reeve’s. Suck on that you sanctimonious prick.  
IT (software & consult) – that much for consulting? We’re paying that much for people to say ‘have you tried turning it off and back on again?’  
Utility Expenses – don’t care, paid for by stupid public  
Benefits – don’t care, paid for by stupid public  
Travel and Lodging – for god’s sake, who keeps using the Honeybee as their hotel? The Cherry Pit is so much classier.  
~~Miscellaneous Expenses~~ Building Repairs – Wasn’t listening, think we may have reached 10 million.

Let me guess – this calls for a rate hike!

One of these days I’m going to punch Palmer in the face.

 

[doodle of two stick figures; one is either a medical impossibility or holding a very long sword, arm positioning renders this unclear]

 

Mako production +12% I told you better upkeep of the reactors would help. We lose at least 10% just thanks to improperly fitted valves, who the fuck installed those? ~~blame urban development or engineering?~~

For a company making money from the stuff, actual maintenance of the process is ridiculously low.

memo: research further refinement process. Potential for mass production mako guns?

 

[detailed partial schematics for mako gun]

 

Oh get on with it, old man, we all know what we’re here for.

 

[doodle of stick figures sword fighting. Hopefully sword fighting.]

 

The Sephiroth problem, is that what we’re calling it now? Gods above, the man shows actual signs of a libido and it’s a problem?

Admittedly, he doesn’t seem to understand any form of physical expression other than fighting, which is very hard on buildings. ~~Just imagine how many beds he’d break.~~ memo: reinforced furniture. Adding bedrooms to annual budget would just be ridiculous.

Someone just needs to tell him there are other ways of getting someone into bed than tying them to it. Granted, never thought someone would complain about that method combined with that man but there’s no accounting for taste.

 

[doodle of stick figures engaged in coitus.]

 

Why haven’t we had the boy questioned already? Because someone who can take the best Sephiroth can give and is still walking, talking and breathing is not going to be impressed by a couple of suits? No, go ahead, have him hauled in. It should be very entertaining.

Hojo wanted to figure out where those mako enhancements came from too. That went so well for him.

I am surrounded by idiots.

 

[doodle of stick figures engaged in coitus, position improbable]

 

The Sephiroth Problem – Solutions

  * ~~put him down~~



HOW???

also a damn waste but mostly HOW???

  * ~~put boy down~~



do you want to die?

  * ~~hookers (female)~~



~~if that was the way his pendulum swung, I’d have had him already.~~ pretty sure he’d break them.

  * ~~hookers (male)~~



ditto above. (but could test hypothesis re: single target sexuality. cost/benefit analysis pending)

  * ~~send boy away on remote mission~~



he’ll run, and Sephiroth will follow and there’ll be no getting them back. And there will be no videos to sell when the inevitable occurs. Just think of the market, we could make millions from this! Am I the only one who can see a profit when it buggers a pretty blond boy in front of me?!

 

[doodles of stick figures engaged in increasing anatomical impossibilities]

 

  * send Sephiroth away on remote mission



pros:  
\- he’s out of Midgar  
\- distance may calm him down  
\- guaranteed to return if boy remains (how to keep him away is the trick; duty is no longer going to cut it.)  
\- boy can be questioned without implied threat of fiery doom  
\- pent up aggression safely released

cons:  
\- he’s out of Midgar  
\- distance may make him worse. and inclined to revenge.  
\- pent up sexual frustration increased (wait, con or delicious future pro?)

 

[very rough sketch of the world map with random areas shaded]

 

Does anything frustrate the libido more than a desert? Too hot to be bothered, too dry to waste the bodily fluids, too much fucking sand. He wears leather though. We don't want him dead.

Costa Del Sol. Dead-eyed expression he gets is as good as a lip curl of disgust from him, could be fun. Unfortunately too easy for him to take the next boat back.

North. Cold, bleak, some nice high level monsters for him to take his frustrations out on, difficulties with reliable transport, morale boost for pathetic grunts stuck in eternal winter.

Mideel. Remote, boats rare, calming atmosphere. Said to have high levels of mako fluctuation that locals call 'lifestream'. Mako-induced mental imbalances common enough in low level SOLDIERs, not keen to see full psychotic break Sephiroth.

Wutai will try an uprising if we foist him on them. He'd love that.  ~~I would sell so many weapons again. So many.~~

 

Mission must be something entertaining enough to keep his attention; alternatively, trust in his sense of entertainment regarding the boy? He'll play along for the fun of the trooper thinking he's getting a break from him and getting questioning instead? seems likely with his new MO.

 

[doodle of stick figure admiring another, little hearts and skulls surrounding its head]

 

Must ask Tseng if I can borrow that filthy-minded Turk of his, I bet he's excellent at porn parody titles. Perhaps I'll even offer a percentage of potential profits.


	5. The Last Will and Testament of Private Ridland

**I, BERACH RIDLAND** of 30 Common Garden Sector 3 Midgar **HEREBY REVOKE** all former Wills and testamentary dispositions heretofore made by me and declare this to be my last Will.

**Request for cremation**

**1\. I HEREBY DIRECT** that my body be cremated and that my ashes be disposed of as my wife **HILDRED RIDLAND** , if she survives me, shall deem fitting, but if she does not survive me, then as my daughter **DAWN BERENICE RIDLAND** deems fitting. I request that my funeral service be private, simple and without ostentation.

**Appointment of executors and trustees**

**2\. (a) I APPOINT** my wife **HILDRED RIDLAND** ('my wife') of 30 Common Garden aforesaid to be the Executrix and Trustee of my Will but in the event the aforesaid shall die in my lifetime or be unable or unwilling to act in the office of Executrix and Trustee **THEN AND ONLY THEN I APPOINT** the partners at the date of my death in the firm **KHARON & OBOL LLP** to fill the vacancy in the office of Executor and Trustee of this will.

**(b) IN** (a) above 'firm' includes an incorporated practice recognised by the Law Society and 'partners' includes solicitors who are directors or members of or beneficial owners of shares in such a practice.

**(c) IN THIS WILL** and any Codicil to it the expression 'my Trustees' means (where the context requires) my personal representatives for the time being who act lawfully in the administration of my estate or the trustees for the time being.

**Guardianship appointment**

**3\. IF** nobody with parental responsibility survives me **I APPOINT** my brother-in-law **GUNDAHAR ENGLEBERT ABBING** of **136 SHERBOURNE STREET SECTOR 3 MIDGAR** to be the guardian of my daughter. If he does not qualify or for any reason ceases to serve as guardian, **I APPOINT** as successor guardian my brother-in-law **HULDERIC ABBING** of **32 ASHGATHER STREET SECTOR 2 MIDGAR**. If any legal guardian of my child or children should be appointed, I nominate the individual identified above as guardian and request the court to appoint the nominee, grant the guardian custodian of the child or children, permit the guardian all statutory and discretionary powers permitted under the laws of Midgar, including but not limited to changing the residence and domicile of the children to the Sector where the guardian may then reside, and appoint such individual as guardian of the estate of such child.

**Money and personal property**

**4\. BEFORE** distributing the gifts below, I direct my executor to pay all my debts, funeral and testamentary expenses, and all government duties that might be payable as a result of my death.

**4.1. I GIVE** my entire interest in the real property which was my residence at the time of my death, together with any insurance on such real property, but subject to any encumbrances on said real property, to my spouse **HILDRED RIDLAND**. If she should predecease me, then this gift shall lapse and become part of the residue of my estate.

**4.2 I GIVE** my entire interest in any household goods, furnishings, tools, jewellery, clothing, and tangible articles of a personal nature not otherwise disposed of in this Will by specific bequest to my wife. If she should fail to survive me, this gift shall lapse and become part of the residue of my estate.

**4.3 I GIVE** my rifle, inscribed bullets and all associated articles for the care of said gift to my brother in arms **ADE SAVERY**.

**4.4 I GIVE** my Restore Materia to my daughter **DAWN BERENICE RIDLAND**.

**4.5 I GIVE** a sealed letter to be kept with this Will to my comrades in arms of the 304 in lieu of the **SHINRA COMPANY** , to be opened no later than one week after my recorded death.

**Residual estate**

**5\. I GIVE,** devise and bequeath all of the reside and remainder of my Estate, both real and personal whatsoever and wheresoever (including any property over which I may have a general power of appointment by Will) to my wife.

**Proviso in respect of residuary gift to Wife failing**

**6\. IN** the event of my wife the said **HILDRED RIDLAND** predeceasing me or the gift to my said Wife failing for any other reason I declare the following provisions of this my Will shall effect in lieu of clause 5 thereof.

**Residuary gift**

**7\. I GIVE** all my real and personal property whatsoever and wheresoever not hereby or by any codicil hereto specifically disposed of (including any property over which I may have a general power of appointment or disposition by Will) to my Trustees upon trust to call in and convert the same into money with power to postpone the sale calling in and conversion thereof so long as they shall in their absolute discretion think fit without being liable for loss.

**8\. MY TRUSTEES** shall out of the monies to arise from the sale calling in and conversion of or forming part of my estate pay my debts funeral and testamentary expenses and any legacies given by this my Will or any codicil hereto and all inheritance tax on any legacy given free of tax and shall invest the residue of such monies in their names under their control in or upon any investments hereby authorised with power from time to time to vary the investment of others of an authorised nature and shall stand possessed of such investments and all parts of my estate for the time being remaining unsold and any ready money (hereinafter called 'my residuary estate') upon the trusts hereafter declared concerning the same.

**9\. MY TRUSTEES** shall hold my residuary estate as both capital and income upon trust for such of my daughter **DAWN BERENICE RIDLAND** of 30 Common Garden Sector 3 Midgar, and as long as she is in her minority, the Trustee shall pay as much of the Trust income as the Trustee, in the Trustee's discretion, considers necessary for my daughter's support, health, and education.

**10\. NO** Trustee shall be liable  
(a) for any loss to my estate however arising except as a result of fraud or dishonesty of such Trustee or  
(b) to any person beneficially interested in my estate of whose existence my Trustees had no actual notice at the time of any distribution.

**AS WITNESS** my hand to this my Will this  5th day of August,

BRidland

**SIGNED AND DECLARED** by the said **BERACH RIDLAND** the Testator as and for his last Will and Testament in the presence of us both present at the same time who at his request in presence and in the presence of each other have hereunto subscribed our names as witnesses.

A Spacks  
Solicitor with Kharon + Obol LLP  
Sector 3, Midgar

K Hardison  
Solicitor with Kharon&Obol LLP  
Sector 3, Midgar

 

This letter to be opened in the event of my death

Fuck the company, fuck Heidegger, President Shinra is a bigger prick than a bag of Hedgehog Pies and I hope he dies choking on his own blood like I'm probably going to end up doing, and definitely fuck whoever drew the short straw with my name on it for this bullshit fucking mission.

That out of the way, guys – there should be enough notes in here that you can get Major Witz a bottle of something good as a thank you for giving me enough warning to update my will.

Seriously though, fuck Heidegger with a live cactuar, that balls-less brainless shitnugget of proof that evolution can go in reverse, his birth certificate should be a letter of apology from whatever condom manufacturer whose product his unfortunate mother and her customer tried to use.

I demand you make sure he sees a copy of that, by the way. I'd say don't risk your jobs about it but that limpdicked shitwaffle has just put me in Sephiroth's sights as the one to have to say “hey, you know what your super-obsessed ass should do? Go to an entirely different continent to the one your precious obsession is on, ShinRa's orders, don't kill the messenger!” I don't know about you but I'd definitely prefer to be looking for a new job instead of writing this to go with my newly updated will. I want it pasted in reverse on his fucking forehead so that festering pile of malboro tentacle pus can see it every time he looks in the mirror.

It should definitely not be my job to give that kind of news to fucking Sephiroth that's what we have fucking brass for, gods know that they don't have any other fucking use.

Fuck Sephiroth and his weird and inexplicable blond crush and fuck the company for indulging his bullshit just because he can skewer them artistically sixty different ways without breaking a sweat that's what they fucking made him for isn't it? I hope he steps in chocobo shit on every third step he takes for the rest of his life and on a piece of lego every second.

I hope Strife runs to the last fucking island on this fucking planet that has never heard of ShinRa and settles down with a nice girl (or guy) and never even thinks of Sephiroth for the rest of his days and his blinding happiness and utter disinterest is a fucking brand pressed to Sephiroth's miserable, bitterly aware head.

...too far? I don't care, I'm updating my goddamn will right now because of that asshole.

I fucking cried on Major Witz's shoulder when he told me. That poor bastard had to stand there while I left snot all over his shoulder and blubbered about how I wanted to die old and incontinent.

I mean we all know it's a risk when we sign up (but at least we have money in the meantime) but I expected it to be in a battle or something, not on the end of the fucking Masamune. Do you know how many dumb kids signed up because of him? I don't but you bet your dumb asses they never thought their superstar SOLDIER would be the one holding the sword.

Like being out of Midgar is going to stop Sephiroth from being the world's biggest seven year old just realising he can pull the pigtails of the pretty girl he likes. And if he's this bad now, just imagine how bad it'll be when he finally realises what his dick is for. His balls will be bluer than a fucking blugu, I'm saying prayers for you guys right now.

You wondered why there was so much gil in here, more than required to get Major Witz's top-end poison of choice? Have a drink on me, you're all going to need it.


	6. Text Record: The Rescue Plan

(09:02 AM)  
cloud just got hauled in by the turks

(09:02 AM)  
We sort of expected that given recent events.

(09:03 AM)  
yeah, sephiroth off the continent and all. what i'm saying is, we should totally rescue him.

(09:03 AM)  
It is an interview, not a kidnapping.

(09:04 AM)  
he's our friend, man. you wouldn't leave our friend with those scummy turks would you?

(09:04 AM)  
He doesn't even remember us!

(09:07 AM)  
so? we're still friends! It happens sometimes - didn't you read the 'mako enhancement and you' pamphlet? "enhancement can occasionally lead to temporary psychological abnormalities such as paranoia, disorientation, anxiety or even partial amnesia in 17% of cases." he'll get better.

(09:08 AM)  
That is in the official, standardised, ShinRa supervised and performed procedure, though.

Who knows where Cloud got his? His symptoms could be substantially worse, possibly permanent.

(09:09 AM)  
who knows indeed. Gar's got a theory though.

(09:09 AM)  
Please. Stop.

(09:09 AM)  
what? i'm just saying, it's a theory.

(09:10 AM)  
I am fairly sure that mako enhancement does not work that way.

(09:11 AM)  
what, there haven't been serious scholarly studies saying if you can catch it like a glowy performance-enhancing STD? i am disappoint.

(09:11 AM)  
That is disgusting. You are disgusting. Why are we friends?

(09:12 AM)  
you love me, don't front. but is a glowy performance-enhancing STD disgusting even in the case of sephiroth?

(09:14 AM)  
MAKO IS NOT AN STD.

And yes, even then. Maybe especially then.

He is not an exception to the rules.

Especially if those rules involve sexual misconduct, which is what you are claiming.

(09:15 AM)  
whoa, yes he totally is.

and i'm not actually saying he did anything, it's only a theory. you know, a bit of fun.

nobody actually believes it, come on.

(09:16 AM)  
It is a very serious allegation.

(09:16 AM)  
yeah. for someone who is not sephiroth.

(09:16 AM)  
Your insistence in placing him above the rules of other men is disturbing.

(09:17 AM)  
you trying to tell me you wouldn't?

(09:19 AM)  
I am straight. Even if I was not, I would lose all respect for him if he tried.

As a superior officer, he should uphold the standards of conduct.

(09:20 AM)  
doesn't seem to be bothering him much where cloud is concerned.

(09:20 AM)  
Yes and it is not right.

Not just his actions but also that he is disregarding Cloud's obvious opinion of the matter.

(09:21 AM)  
yeah, i got that pamphlet somewhere too, 'no means no even if you have a manipulate materia'.

(09:21 AM)  
It is not a laughing matter. >:(

(09:22 AM)  
okay, okay, so first we rescue cloud from the turks.

then we concentrate on chaperoning him so sephiroth cannot force his totally unwanted attentions on him.

unbelievable as that second half is.

(09:23 AM)  
It is not unbelievable to me.

(09:24 AM)  
really? so if you walked in and found sephiroth on your bed and he asked you to ~polish his sword~, you’d say…?

(09:26 AM)  
1\. We already discussed this.  
2\. We sleep in a dorm.  
3\. That is a terrible innuendo because everybody knows he would never let anyone else touch the Masamune.  
4\. NO.

(09:26 AM)  
i bet he’d let cloud touch his masamune. ;)

(09:27 AM)  
Why.

(09:27 AM)  
seriously though, you wouldn’t be tempted? not even a little?

(09:28 AM)  
Do I actually have to explain to you what straight means?

(09:28 AM)  
i’m straight but i’d still bend a little for sephiroth.

(09:29 AM)  
or a lot.

(09:30 AM)  
I do not get that at all.

(09:30 AM)  
have you never looked at him?!

(09:31 AM)  
I am not saying he is not good-looking.

I am just saying that even if you put him in a dress he still would not look like a woman.

Which is what I am attracted to.

(09:32 AM)  
…what sort of dress?

(09:33 AM)  
Does it matter? Whatever the style he would still look like a man. Just wearing a dress.

(09:33 AM)  
that thought gives me the weirdest boner.

(09:34 AM)  
What is wrong with you?!

(09:34 AM)  
i can't help it, man! that's in the pamphlet too.

(09:34 AM)  
It is not. And you are not even enhanced.

(09:37 AM)  
it so is in the pamphlet!

under 'are there any side effects I should be worried about': "do not fear for your heterosexuality if upon enhancement you find yourself attracted to Sephiroth when prior to the procedure you were not. (lol, as if.) this is a minor side-effect of one of the stabilising ingredients present in the mako mix and no cause for alarm."

(09:38 AM)  
There is no way it says "lol, as if".

(09:39 AM)  
no, that's me, couldn't be bothered with a set of quote marks.

i'm paraphrasing anyway, it's set up like a q&a.

you really haven't read it, have you? i'll find you a copy after the rescue mission.

(09:41 AM)  
There will be no rescue mission! We cannot take on Turks, for the love of the gods!

And I have no interest in enhancement, so the pamphlet would be unneeded.

(09:41 AM)  
wut. but – SOLDIER.

(09:42 AM)  
I make enough money at my current level to help my family well enough, and there is significantly less chance of going crazy.

Also, if a mission goes wrong, it is on my superiors.

(09:43 AM)  
we'll talk about this after we've got cloud.

(09:43 AM)  
TURKS!

(09:44 AM)  
grab your big girl panties, i'm getting some grenades.

(09:45 AM)  
…there is clearly only one to keep you from getting yourself killed.

(09:45 AM)  
yup.

(09:50 AM)  
I will get some potions and round up the rest of the squad. Just tell me you have an actual plan.

(09:51 AM)  
planning is for losers. planning gives turks time to figure out something's going on.

(09:55 AM)  
We are going to die.


	7. Interlude: Mako Enhancement and You

**MAKO ENHANCEMENT AND YOU**

Congratulations on making SOLDIER! You've worked very hard and now the moment is here – but the idea of enhancement can be frightening, fraught with misinformation and confusion. Not to worry! Just about everything you need to know is now available in this handy pamphlet!

WHAT IS ENHANCEMENT?

Enhancement is the term for when an individual is given doses of mako energy, increasing their strength, speed, healing, and senses.

Warning: While the process is sometimes known as mako showering, there is more than just mako involved – pure mako will not enhance you, and will in fact kill you in all but the rarest of circumstances. It is for this reason that you should **never** attempt to enhance yourself by, say, throwing yourself into a mako vat.

WHAT HAPPENS AT ENHANCEMENT?

First, you will be tested for compatibility. Despite all your ability, you may not be capable of adapting fully to the mako or it may be unable to bond correctly with your cells. This occurs in only 2% of cases, but if so, it is very unfortunate but there is nothing that can be done without great risk of physical or psychological harm. If you are truly willing to try, however, the Science Department has a set of waivers you must sign before further testing.

If you are compatible, congratulations!

Upon enhancement, everyone goes through certain physical and emotional changes. Readily noticeable physical changes may include:

  * accelerated growth
  * increased muscle mass
  * rapid increase in height
  * extra appendages
  * alteration in eye colour



(For emotional changes, please read the next section.)

Your primary senses will become much stronger, your strength, speed, and stamina will be at least twice the peak of the human norm and you will have very little control in the first few days. It is advised that you spend your mandatory two weeks adjustment leave spending as much time as possible testing and adapting to your new abilities.

EMOTIONAL UPHEAVAL

Enhancement is not just a physical process; it will also affect you emotionally and psychologically (something not helped by the average age of applicants being mid-teens).

You may find yourself being very angry one moment and helplessly depressed the next, and swinging from such emotional extremes can be very frustrating, but do not worry. As you adjust to the enhancements you will not only gain control over your body but over your mind, and will find yourself much calmer and steadier.

In the meantime, it may help you to discuss those feelings with someone you trust, or find a calm, quiet place to compose yourself until the confusing or frustrating feelings are gone.

YOUR ADVISER AND YOU

You are not alone in all these bewildering changes! Upon receiving notice of your qualifying, you should have been assigned a SOLDIER adviser. It is their duty to help you deal with all the triumphs and tribulations of enhancement.

ARE THERE SIDE EFFECTS I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT?

Enhancement can occasionally lead to temporary psychological abnormalities such as paranoia, disorientation, anxiety or even partial amnesia in 17% of cases. The following questions are some of the most commonly asked immediately after enhancement and their answers will hopefully be beneficial in soothing any fears you may have.

**"Who am I?"**

Assuming your question is not philosophical, look down. You should be wearing a set of medical tags containing your name, birth date, birth place, and SID number. Around your left wrist should be a paper bracelet with the number of your SOLDIER advisor. Ring it, recite your details and that you suspect you may have lost your memory. As each case varies on an individual to individual basis, any further help should be specialised, and cannot be adequately covered in this pamphlet.

**"Help! I think I've grown tentacles!"**

Are you sure? Is this your first morning after enhancement? If yes, wait a few hours for your senses to adjust further and look again.

If they are still there, please contact the Science Department immediately. Tell no one else.

**"Is someone watching me? I feel like someone is watching me, are you sure someone isn't watching me?"**

All ShinRa facilities are monitored for the purposes of security and safety management, but given that this has never bothered anybody before, you may be suffering from MIP (Mako Induced Paranoia). Take deep, calming breaths. Make sure the nurses are aware and that they should state their actions when entering or exiting. Remember that your SOLDIER adviser is there to help you and may even have suffered the same side effects after their own enhancement.

Such feelings are strongest in the first three hours following enhancement; they should fade to nothing within thirty-six hours. If you are still hyperaware after twenty-four hours have passed, you may have to undergo further testing with the Science Department.

**"Why isn't the alcohol working?!"**

The Company’s policy is that during working hours and at all times whilst on work premises employees must be free from the influence of drugs or alcohol. Especially members of SOLDIER.

Outside of work and off duty, we regret to inform you that mako, being in the business of keeping you alive with accelerated healing, treats alcohol as the psychoactive drug it is and works rapidly to diminish the potential harm to your body, rendering many low-concentration alcoholic beverages ineffective, a great advantage in a career highly dependent upon you having good judgement.

Undoubtedly you will have great fun testing the limits of this and all other areas of your new abilities.

**"Help! I think I've turned gay! I'm suddenly insanely attracted to Sephiroth and I wasn't before!"**

Do not fear for your heterosexuality if upon enhancement you find yourself attracted to Sephiroth when prior to the procedure you were not. (It's also perfectly acceptable to admit you were a little attracted before. No one is judging you.)

Do: keep calm. This is a minor side effect of one of the stabilising/bonding ingredients present in the mako mix and affects approximately one in five of all new SOLDIERS previously self-identified as heterosexual. It is sometimes termed the J Cell Effect.

Don't: try and do something about this in a hormonal state. While it can seem overwhelming, distance will not kill you, whereas any attempt to express this new desire for closeness probably will.

Remember, Sephiroth does not take kindly to people

  * talking to him
  * touching him
  * trying to sniff his coat
  * trying to sniff his hair
  * crying on his boots
  * humping his leg
  * attempting in any way to 'become one' with him.



Please be advised that an attempt to do any of those things will result in a dishonourable discharge and an inability to work anywhere else on account of death.

**"It's too much! I broke the door just touching the handle and I think I can see ultraviolet!"**

All doors in the ShinRa building are automatic and/or key-coded, but we understand your meaning. The selection process for SOLDIER is rigorous for this very reason - the human mind is fragile and quite prone to breaking under the stress of enhancement. The youth of most participants is a significant advantage here - you will find that you are far more adaptable than you may believe. By the end of your adjustment leave you should begin to regard your enhancements as the new norm. You may even have some difficulty wondering that you ever managed without them.

If you should be plagued by lingering feelings of discomfort or dysphoria, the Science Department has a select team of individuals studying the phenomenon. Do not be ashamed to avail yourself of their services - the last thing ShinRa wants is an unbalanced and unwilling to listen enhanced individual running around.

FINAL NOTES

Again, congratulations on making SOLDIER! We hope we have soothed any fears you may have regarding enhancement and that you will be a long-lived and productive member of your unit.


	8. Interview Transcript

Interview Transcript 1 [Verbatim]

**Name:** Cloud Strife [denoted hereafter as 'CS']

**Interview By:** Tseng (Head of General Affairs Department, Investigative Division) [denoted hereafter as 'T']

**Date of Interview:** 14th August.

Time Interview Commenced: 0935

Time Interview Concluded: DISRUPTED

**Location:** Interview conducted in Office 4.

**Audio Recorded:** Y

**Video Recorded:** Y

 

**(start of interview)**

T: Today is Wednesday, it is 9:35, and we are in office 4. My name is Tseng, I am Head of Investigative Division of General Affairs Department of ShinRa, Inc. I will be conducting a subject interview of Cloud Strife. There are no others present. [clears throat] Good morning.

CS: ...

T: I'm sure you've already been informed as to why you are here, but if you could please state for the record...?

CS: Sephiroth is an asshole.

T: While I certainly understand your feelings on the matter, this is an official interview; please do not be flippant.

CS: ...

T: [sigh] Very well. To begin: multiple instances of destructive behaviour that poses a threat to the continued health and safety of your fellow ShinRa employees; allegations of improper conduct involving a superior officer -

CS: [snort]

T: You have something to say to further our understanding of this matter?

CS: No.

T: Perhaps that no improper conduct has occurred?

CS: Not on my side.

T: Interesting. But you admit you were the first to escalate from verbal to physical confrontation?

CS: ...

T: Yes or no answers at the very least, if you would.

CS: [grudging] Yes.

T: And you do not deny that subsequent... hm. Subsequent... encounters... became violent at your instigation?

CS: I'm sorry, would _you_ want to be on the back foot in a fight with Sephiroth?

T: I am not the subject of this interview.

CS: Right.

T: Allegations of improper conduct are taken very seriously h--

CS: [unintelligible]

T: I'm sorry?

CS: Nothing. Go on.

T: As I was saying, allegations of improper conduct are taken very seriously here in ShinRa; it is in the best interests of all involved to be truthful regarding this matter that it can be properly dealt with.

CS: Right. Sephiroth is being interviewed next door, huh?

T: Not at this moment in time.

CS: [quiet laughter]

T: Very amusing, I'm sure. Experience relates that it would be... inadvisable for the two of you to be in close vicinity at the same time.

CS: Yes.

[note: review video footage with specialist here; very interesting vocal/facial expression combination]

T: If we begin with the allegations of improper conduct…

CS: ...

T: Hmm. I find myself at a loss for how to begin this; the idea of him being involved in such an investigation was previously extremely implausible, to be honest.

CS: ...

T: Anything you say would of use at this juncture. Frankly, I cannot understand in the slightest his... fascination with you. [shuffling paper] Your records prior to Incident S602-1 -

CS: What?

T: Pardon, I think you mean. Incident S602-1 – the cafeteria incident, I believe it is being called.

CS: Ah.

T: Your records prior to that incident were... not spotless, because that would have drawn our attention – but certainly nothing special. Nothing to indicate anything of your current skill and ability, which has been so very amply demonstrated.

CS: Uh... Thank you?

T: Perhaps in other circumstances that would be a compliment. Circumstances in which you didn't destroy millions of gil worth of ShinRa property or threaten the lives of everyone in it.

CS: We've got enough skill not to kill any bystanders. And really, if you're standing around gawking while the Masamune is swinging you probably deserve anything you get. – I can see that smirk, you know.

T: Hmh. Just the Masamune? What of your own monster blade – where is that, by the way? My Turks claim it wasn't with you when they found you, but from what I know of SOLDIERs I very much doubt you'd willingly be parted from it for long.

CS: I don't know. I have it when I need it.

T: When you need it being whenever Sephiroth is around.

CS: Yes.

T: Have you considered... not fighting him?

CS: No.

T: Fair enough. You must understand at least that this sudden leap in skill is worrying to certain sections of the Company? Records seem to indicate that despite your current memory problems there were no, ah, disappearances, time or memory lapses noted by others before your sudden... debut.

CS: [shrug]

T: [exasperated noise] I suppose the methods are immaterial, all things considered. Others are certainly interested and we'll almost certainly have to do another interview at a later date, unfortunately, but at this moment we are more concerned with the end result and consequences.

CS: The end result and consequences...? Oh. Right. You mean Sephiroth.

T: Yes.

CS: You want him to act sane again. That's what you want, right?

T: Yes.

CS: Uh-huh. Good luck bolting the door after that chocobo.

T: Are you saying there's nothing to be done?

CS: I don't know, is insanity usually a two-way trip?

T: There's no need for sarcasm. Cloud – may I call you Cloud?

CS: No.

T: This is not an interrogation, Cloud. It is only an interview, the purpose of which is to understand and hopefully alleviate Sephiroth’s sudden behavioural… difficulties. I would think you would be quite eager to see him – or not see him, rather – remedied.

CS: There is no remedy strong enough to fix what’s gone wrong in his head.

T: Why don’t you let us decide that?

CS: Yeah, like you totally noticed the first time he started acting a few clowns short of a circus.

T: You say 'first' – when was this?

CS: ...

T: We can’t help you if you don’t help us.

CS: ...does that line actually work?

T: Some. You’d be surprised.

CS: ...

T: If you're not feeling talkative, perhaps we should take this time to reacquaint you with Section IV, articles 3-160 to 3-169 regarding relationships between soldiers of different rank.

CS: There is no relationship. None.

T: [throat clearing, shuffling papers] “3-160, relationships between soldiers of different rank are prohibited if they a) compromise, or appear to compromise, the integrity of supervisory authority or the chain of command –”

CS: Seriously?

T: “b) cause actual or perceived partiality or unfairness, c) involve or appear to involve the improper use of rank or position for personal gain –”

CS: You’re telling _me_ that?

T: “d) are, or are perceived to be, exploitative or coercive in nature –”

CS: Why aren't you reciting this to _him?_ He needs to hear it. Just in general.

T: Mm, well, granted he is of higher rank than you and therefore in a position of power –

CS: [unintelligible]

T: But the simple fact of the matter is ShinRa cares rather more for his continued good will than yours.

CS: And this has nothing to do with the fact that you couldn't punish him even if you knew how.

T: Careful, Mr Strife.

CS: ‘Mister’? Did I manage to quit after all?

T: No. ShinRa still has absolute authority over you.

[of note: a very amused expression of distaste crossed the interviewee’s face at this point]

T: Let's be blunt, if he cannot be returned his previous state –

CS: Hah!

T: If his mental state is permanently... ah, altered, and there is nothing to be done – forget Section IV, ShinRa will in all likelihood be perfectly happy to handcuff you to his bed so long as it keeps him content to stay with the Company.

CS: Thanks for that image.

T: But I doubt that is something _you_ would want –

CS: _No._

T: So help us. Tell us what is wrong with him, what can be done, if anything can be done –

CS: _He's insane_. It's not like he wore a safety rope before jumping off the sanity cliffs – you can't drag him back. Don't look at me like that – this is what you get for not having a psych department.

T: You're saying there's nothing we can do.

CS: Yes.

T: Absolutely nothing.

CS: Yes. ...Sorry.

T: Why?

CS: I dunno, I thought maybe you were friends?

T: I fail to see how you reached that conclusion.

CS: My mistake.

T: Regardless, the fact of the matter is that we now have an entirely different problem.

CS: Okay...?

T: Why are you here?

CS: Huh?

T: Why are you here?

CS: ...you escorted me?

T: You could break those handcuffs easily.

CS: Probably? Are they mako-strengthened?

T: They wouldn't hold Sephiroth either way. I doubt they're actually more than a minor inconvenience to you.

CS: I wasn't really thinking about it.

T: If you can break free so easily – which I am assuming, if you only thought about it, you could – why are you still sitting here? Why be in Midgar, in ShinRa at all when you clearly desire not to be?

CS: You saw what happened when I tried to quit, right? It wouldn't – If I – Look. He was right – never tell him I said that – I can't run from him. There's nowhere to go. He'd just follow and I'd have to deal with him on my own and without any of the restraints pretending to play by your rules gives him. As for why he's still here – that's what you're _really_ asking, right? The only reason he’s still here is the same reason I'm still here – this place, this time, it gives him legitimate authority over me, authority that’s backed by every single person in ShinRa because of who he was before he became – well. That's why we're here. It's a game to him. He thinks it's funny.

T: Funny.

CS: [nods] Yeah.

T: Do you know, I'm not sure I can think of anything less funny.

CS: ...Look at where I'm sitting when I say this, because oh man, you really lack imagination.

[ominous rumbling noise]

T: What…?

[screaming, muffled explosion; recording devices fade in and out intermittently]

T: St-- -ere.

[door hisses shut]

CS: ...hm. Well, he didn't [interference] to remove the cuffs. [metallic snapping noise] Huh.

[Interviewee was missing upon return to interviewing room. Repeated review of security cameras eventually revealed that the new secretary being hustled off by Strife's squad mates was not, as originally thought and therefore overlooked, a happy side effect, but in fact the central mission. Private TM claims Private PD gave him the idea. Recovered text messages support this claim as true from a certain point of view.]


	9. After Incident Report: The Great Escape

**After Incident Report - Witness Interview**

**Witness:** Verica Everill

**Incident:** S-732-6

**Taking Officer:** Lt. Caj Minow

**Memo:** I was assigned to gather reports from witnesses and bystanders in regards to incident S-732, the unauthorised removal of Cloud Strife from an official inter ~~rogation~~ view. This report contains the transcribed testimony of Verica Everill, a direct witness to the event. My recommendation is that this report and all others collected be officially forwarded to the Investigative Division of General Affairs office to sort out.

Please find attached my transfer request.

-Signed Lt. Caj Minow

**Testimony:**

Gimme a moment, willya, I still gotta sort these... you know how higher ups can be... no, I know this important, really, but if I don't finish these my boss'll have my head, he won't care nuthin' about me having to talk to you, he'll just be annoyed I didn't get these reports on his desk last week... Suits, yeah?

Okay, thanks. What'd ya wanna know? Is it something to do with jailbait? I mean – uh, Strife.

That's, uh, that's just what Marte calls him, it's, uh, kind of caught on... no, no, I understand... serious business, totally.

Okay. Um. So... I was on Floor 45 because the boss man wanted me to deliver some papers to, uh, to Mr Morin in office 8 – you know, ShinRa's numbering system is totally crazy, no wonder you see secretaries wandering around all over the place. It's a miracle we can find _anyone_ \- suppose it's useful if terrorists try to attack, though, huh? Anyway, I dropped off the papers and decided to wait around while he signed 'em – I haven't been here long enough to guarantee I'd be able to find his office again if I left the floor, see, and anyway, Rita's always singing the praises of the vending machine outside elevator two so I thought I'd check it out – I missed lunch because the photocopier on Floor 20 is a piece of shit, pardon my Wutaian. Wait, is it Wutaian or is it Wutainese? I dunno, I've never bothered to find out. Guess that's why I just photocopy and don't proofread, huh.

Anyway, I was trying to find my pass card – I don't need it often, it's not like I've been above Floor 59, that's for people who've worked here a lot longer than two months – when there was this great big huge bang and a bunch of guards come thundering past.

You know, I've always thought it was a shame how those helmets cover their faces, they could be anyone under there.

I thought they were going to check out the noise, see? So I didn't call anyone, why would I? I thought it was being sorted, I thought that was what they were there _for_. Didn't occur to me that they _caused_ it. Course I didn't know anything about an interrogation in office 4. Who the hell expects the Turks to have offices on the lower floors?

...Is that why they have offices on the lower floors?

Nope, nope, never mind, I didn't ask that.

I figured some moron had set off some fireworks or something? I don't know, office worker pranks, you'd be surprised the kind of stuff they come up with. There was this one guy, on floor 23, he hired a bunch of slummers to cover everything – and I mean _everything_ – in foil and then stand around welcoming people to rocket 28, were they ready for blast off? I think Captain Highwind was supposed to visit that day. He didn't though, he sent a letter to Palmer a couple of days before telling him – well, you know Captain Highwind. Well, you don't, but his letters are _very_ popular with the [secretarial] department, I'm sure I can find some copies... We keep a selection of his best on our 'don't let the bastards grind you down' board. Uh, if we had one, I mean. We _would_ keep a selection of his best on the board, _if_ we had one. Hah, 'cause why would we need one, working in ShinRa, best jobs around right? (I mean, they're the _only_ jobs around, but slummers can't be choosers.)

The sprinklers went off like half a second later. I know we don't bother with fire alarms in the tower after the uh, incident with SOLDIER Weisberg and the fire materia – that, and nobody could be bothered with evacuating eighty floors every time someone dropped a grenade or _something_ happened on the science floor – don't look at me, I'm just repeating what I've heard – but do you think they could work on the water pressure? I mean, I know we want a fire out as quickly as possible, but I'm pretty sure I've got _bruises_ , that's how hard it was coming down.

Look at that, does that look darker to you? Bruises, definitely.

There was smoke everywhere, that was what set them off, I guess. One of the soldiers stopped at the elevators, he asked me if I was okay. I said I was and then I asked him to turn them [the sprinklers] off if we weren't going to be flash-fried; he said he'd taken an engineering class so he'd give it a try after, but then one of his pals yelled at him to get his head back in the game so he ran off after the rest.

They looked organised? I guess? I mean, they didn't seem quite sure of where they were going, but I assumed they were trying to find whoever had set off the fireworks – there were a couple more bangs after the first, so I figured someone had let more off – so it didn't bother me. It definitely didn't occur to me there was anything odd going on – I mean, odder than someone letting off fireworks. If anything, I was impressed at their reaction time. You know how long it usually takes to get someone to check out a ruckus.

...Okay, maybe that should have been a hint that they started the ruckus.

It was about... ten, fifteen minutes later when they came back with this smoking hot secretary in tow. I didn't recognise her – trust me, I'da remembered seeing that face – but that's not really odd, y'know? I mean, do you _know_ how many of us there are?

Well I don't know either but lots, I'm telling you, _lots_.

She looked – upset? I figured they were escorting her off-floor because – well, I don't know, but you bet _I'd_ have escorted her somewhere personally if that was even remotely close to anything in my job description, you know?

She was _gorgeous_ , had the prettiest eyes I've ever seen, some serious muscle tone to her arms and legs – and everywhere else, I'll bet; never been so grateful for the outfit they make us wear – my type of gal, mmm. I bet she could kick ass if she wanted and not ruin her make-up. If she used make-up, I guess, but I dunno how you get that pretty without a little help. Takes me _hours_ to look this good, but she was soaking wet and snarling like a Kalm Fang at the guy tugging her along and she still looked like she'd stumbled off a catwalk.

Her uniform was kinda messed up, though, like it'd been put on in a hurry or, you know, she was busy being dragged about by a buncha savages. Men in this company, they don't know how to treat a lady.

I might've tried asking for her number – I mean, uh, her ShinRa ID number, yeah - but they were in such a rush, I barely got a one good look before they were rushing into the elevator. I thought they'd have to stop outside – there isn't exactly a lot of space in those things – but they hurried her right on, left a bunch of them milling at the doors, looking conflicted.

I tried to ask if they'd found out who set off the fireworks – didn't even occur to me for one second it could be her and they were escorting her off premises for that reason; dumb, I know. It wasn't, right? – but they were so wound up none of them would answer. Okay, I mighta asked that _after_ I tried to get her name, but I _did_ ask.

I don't remember what they said to each other; I tune out you guys when you start talking all military, it's all blah blah mission parameters blah blah total fuck up sir blah blah. I just figured they were talking about the recent remodelling of the floor via fireworks. Grenades, they were grenades, weren't they?

They didn't mention any names that I recall; addressed each other by code names – I thought that was normal? In a – what do you call them? An operation? I just work here, it's not like I know anything.

One of them kept hitting his head against the wall; I bet he was real grateful to be wearing a helmet.

It was a few minutes later – I guess, two or three? Maybe more, I got kinda hypnotised watching that one guy with the problem against having brain cells, we all did – when the Turk came running up. They scattered like a bunch of whole eaters, off in every direction. One of them ran right into the elevator doors.

I really think those helmets should be redesigned.

The Turk was – the only word for it was supernovaly pissed. I guess that's two words. Just, take my word for it, he was on the highest tier for pissed there is that doesn't count Sephiroth being told to leave jailbait alone. That's when I figured it out – they'd kidnapped his secretary for a prank. When we have the funerals I'm going to send the biggest bunch of flowers. In the shape of their massive collective balls, oh my _god_. Like, wow. Suicidally dumb of them, of course, but still.

He asked me if I'd seen anything unusual and I was like, ' _uh, duh?_' because do you think I see a whole squad go running past when someone sets of fireworks every day? He said he'd been very busy with an interrogation – he said interview, but we all know what that means in Turk-speak – and was I sure I hadn't seen anyone other than the soon-to-be-dead squad go past. He didn't _say_ 'soon-to-be-dead', but it was in his tone. I told him they'd made off with the new secretary. He didn't seem too pleased. He thanked me for my time in a really irritated voice, grabbed the guy who'd run into the elevator doors by his collar and dragged him off.

I assume he got whatever answers he wanted from the poor guy.

That was all I saw, not a glimpse of the infamous Strife. I heard through the vine he was the one being interviewed? Guess I missed the great escape.

Hey, I looked through the recent recruitment lists for the secretarial department but I couldn't find anyone matching the new girl's description, do you think she got fired for being involved in that squad's prank? I hope she didn't, I'd really like to ask her for a coffee some time. I mean, you never know, right? And if she isn't interested we could still be friends and I could just worship her face platonically.

Oh, are we done?


	10. Letters North

Dear Ma & Pa (and Sissy and Bertie and Damn Cat, of course)

Greetings from the your favourite son (& the censors)! Still stationed at **[REDACTED]** , which you know is a safe assignment unless **[REDACTED]** but that doesn’t happen very often according to Official ShinRa sources, so no worries. I’m afraid I won’t be able to get leave in time for Jéola so I’ll be sending gifts ahead. I’ll probably do it soon, now the leaves are turning, I know how difficult the route is on mail sometimes. I hope you will like them.

It is not cold enough here for scarves yet, Ma, but some of the city boys are willing to pay almost twice their wages for them anyway, so thanks! (Kidding, kidding. I will give them away out of the Goodness of my Heart. And the favours it will get me.) Some of them have never even seen snow before and they’re complaining over a few inches like they’re stuck at the Great Glacier – Ric is actually talking about learning to knit and I think he’s serious.

He says ‘hi’ by the way.

I’m eating okay. I keep telling you, it’s really not that bad. It is nothing on anything of yours, Ma (or yours, Pa), of course, but it’s still good enough. Perfectly edible. I don’t know why everyone complains so much.

I tried out for the officer exam, like I told you about last month. I think I did okay, but there’s a lot of competition, so I’m not sure. I know, I know, I should be able to say I gave it my absolute best, but sometimes that doesn’t matter, there’s so many guys going for a very limited number of positions.

Okay, small talk out of the way - time for what you've really been waiting for, the gossip! I have some big news for Sissy, although maybe not the kind she’d like. Better sit her down, because I suspect by the end of this letter I will have shattered all her hopes and dreams.

You know she’s had a crush on Sephiroth for years? Well, he visited our base last week.

I know! Who’d have thought?

Apparently, recently, there’s been something different? let's go with different about him, he’s acting like a Jumping, So I Heard. Apparently. But he looked like all the old reels when he first walked in. Scuttlebutt is higher ups found him an out-city mission because **[REDACTED]** wait censors, never mind, Reasons. Higher ups found him an out-city mission because Reasons (although, come on censors, you might as well let it pass, Everybody Knows, okay? This is like trying to cover a missing wall with a Turtle's Paradise flyer). Well, I don’t blame them. I heard from Trip, who heard it from Aingeru who was _actually there_ that there was something like **[REDACTED]** gil of damage to the cafeteria alone. Probably he was exaggerating, but it must have been something close.

Ric said that looking at him you could hardly tell **[REDACTED]** and I agree. He just looked like, well, a super SOLDIER, like he does in all the newspapers and things.

He smiled a lot more, though. It’s not as attractive as Sissy probably thinks. Kind of Strange, actually. I’d almost call it Creepy; probably she’d say something completely different. Sort of made the hairs rise on the back of your neck. Really, really, wouldn’t want to see him on the other side of a battlefield. Not that I wanted to before, of course, but seeing him in person really brought the thought home. (The Masamune is ridiculous in person. Ridiculously Terrifying.)

We’d been having problems with **[REDACTED]** nothing serious, but a bit of pain anyway with some sections not being used to fighting in snow. I’m fine, of course, but it takes time to adapt to new terrain and some things sims just can’t prepare you for. The first time I got sent to the desert – it was _terrible_ , I don’t know how people stand it?

Anyway, Sephiroth went out and Dealt with it, which was apparently the Official reason he was here.

I couldn’t get my schedule arranged to watch, but most everyone who could managed to find binoculars and scopes and stayed well back to watch the show. Keter said it was awesome, seriously amazing. Mikkel just said ‘dude’ a lot, like his brain got fried just watching. (Mind you, he _is_ from Costa del Sol. No offence, any censors from there. I like the stewed beachplug.) I heard Kauffmann _fainted_. And Sarge, who actually _has_ seen Sephiroth fight before, with much worthier opponents, even he looked a little stunned.

I got back just in time to see him walk back in after, it was like some dramatic movie shot with his hair and coat billowing and that sword gleaming. (Do you think he practises that kind of thing? I like to think he practises. Makes him seem a bit more human.) Put that on the recruitment posters and bam, you could double the army, easy.

Unfortunately, sorting out **[REDACTED]** took him something like ten minutes of playing around, and then he didn’t have anything to do and that’s when the ~~new~~ ~~legendary~~ rumoured about difficulties began to pop up.

You know, he always looked patient most of the time in the reels, like he could wait for whatever it was until the end of the world. And very serious. I guess you would be, wouldn’t you, standing around being filmed for war propaganda.

But like I said, lately… **[REDACTED]**.

Major Wardley was sweating bullets when he told him he couldn’t leave yet. Good man, the Major, putting himself up front like that. Ignore everything I previously wrote about him. Even July’s letter.

Sephiroth didn’t like that at all, started pacing, back and forth, back and forth – it was pretty hypnotic – and just looking super ~~p~~ annoyed. Keter was close enough he said you could hear him muttering under his breath (kind of weird to imagine, right?) but he wouldn’t tell me what, he just looked really nervous.

It’s pretty common knowledge now that Sephiroth’s been different since You Know What but seeing it first hand is different.

He was actually _snarling_ at one point. For real, deep in the throat like the movies want you to think couerls do (that's what they call them in Midgar. Apparently 'cuahl' is too 'ethnic', whatever that means. I lost points on my monster identity exam because I spelled it right). Because nobody in Midgar would believe they actually make chirping noises most times, apparently. Couldn’t believe it when I first saw one in this bad horror movie Finni Insisted we had to see, don’t they have researchers or anything? And Ric and Holt told me to stop complaining! I don’t get city folk sometimes.

But anyway. Somebody had the bright idea to get one of the First Classes on the radio, which helped a bit, and then he had the even brighter idea of trying to introduce his friend 'Spike' - I think he was grasping at straws to distract Sephiroth by then but that turned out to be even better, because the minute Sephiroth heard there was a chance ‘Spike’ could be on the comm he immediately turned into this sleek self-contained perfect model of a top class SOLDIER in anticipation. It was actually funny-scary how fast he went from 'your very existence is a personal affront to me and I am going to dismember you for it' to 'what is that severed head doing in here?'

First Class Fair didn’t actually manage to convince his bribe to turn up, but there was no Supernova so it’s all Good. Kind of. You know what they say.

(I am starting to feel really concerned for my fellow soldier who I will not name even though all the independent papers and half the ShinRa ones already have. I mean Sephiroth has always been Sephiroth but I think he used to be more even-keeled? Obviously it's not like I knew him personally or anything, but that was how he came across? ~~Censors, is the PR department working at full capacity?~~ )

Shiva knows why, but he’s actually still here – Sissy, really, don’t bother. Everybody knows he could leave if he wanted to and nobody could stop him but he is apparently Very Politely pretending to just go along with it? He was standing in the mess hall last I knew, just staring at a wall, apparently in the exact direction of Midgar. (I don’t know why he can’t find a window on this base that also looks out in the direction of Midgar? Having him in the mess is making everyone nervous. Come to think of it, he did look kind of pleased at the atmosphere. Guess he wants to keep us on our toes.)

Apparently, despite best efforts otherwise, Midgar is still containing the other half of the new situation normal Sephiroth equation, which explains ~~alot~~ a lot.

So the big question, source of a thousand outstanding bets is finally answered as far as most are concerned and a lot of money is changing hands right now. (Not mine, Ma. I know your opinion on big city Temptations, not that there’s any here.)

I thought he was asexual, to be perfectly honest (no really, Pa, that’s a thing) but pretty much everyone’s starting to agree the cafeteria thing was some crazy destructive mating dance, sorry Sissy.

You know how you have to take Abhay away after or Aijah’ll go for his throat? (I’ve always wondered, does that still count as mating for life? Aijah always seems weirdly pleased to see Abhay alive the next season, and of course, it _would_ be life for Abhay if you weren’t quick enough…) Unofficially, this visit = Sephiroth’s separation pen.

I’m actually feeling really Sorry for everyone in Midgar because pretty soon he’s going to go back, and it’s not like he’s just going to forget who sent him away. (I think. You know the sort of single-mindedness a lot of creatures have when ~~its~~ ~~it’s~~ it is breeding season. Not that I’m calling him an animal! Or that it’s breeding season! ~~oh my god, breeding season for Sephiroths~~ It’s just, other concerns can fall to the wayside when you’re focused on something. Let’s pretend that first sentence was all I wrote. Censors do your thing here.)

I think it was a pretty good idea to give him time to think about Things but in the long term I am sure everyone in a suit is in so much trouble. Am I bad person when I say I am almost looking forward to it?

Anyway, that’s all the news I have right now, hot off the army presses. Please don’t let Sissy do anything stupid.

Your loving son,

Harve


	11. Incident Report: The Continuation of The Great Escape

**Memo:** Is witness protection a thing we have the willingness and resources for? Also, my recommendation is that this be filed with the Investigative Division of General Affairs office without delay, in single copy, and never shown to SOLDIER 1st Class Sephiroth.  
• Lt. Caj Minow  
   
**Incident Report**  
(I.) Fill out report completely and accurately.  
(II.) Active duty personnel are required to send a copy to your Commanding Officer.  
(III.) Send the completed report to ShinRa Headquarters, Security Department, Division 5, within ten (10) days of the incident.

**Warning: Wilful filing of an inaccurate or incomplete report is a violation of ShinRa Military Code. Penalties for improper filings may include reduction in rank, dishonourable discharge, loss of military pension, and/or rehabilitation sentencing with the Science Department, as appropriate.**

  
**Section I. Parties**

**  
** **Name, Rank, Posting and ID Number of Filer:**  
Haru Wilkes, SOLDIER 3rd Class, Midgar, S3-423

**Commanding Officer of Filer:**  
Currently under the direct command of SOLDIER 2nd Vayas.

**Was Filer Personally Involved?**  
Yes

**Date of Incident:**  
August 14th

**Location:**  
ShinRa building, (stairway entrance, specific floor number(s) unavailable)

**List All ShinRa Personnel Involved:**  
Myself, Privates Macbay and Durant, ~~the unbelievable~~ Cloud Strife.

**List All Non-ShinRa Personnel Involved:**  
None.

 

** Section II. Impact **

**Losses Or Adverse Consequences:**  
(Describe all losses or negative outcomes of the incident as fully as possible in the appropriate categories. Enter none for a category only if certain that no adverse impacts relating to the category have occurred. List any mitigating arguments available to ShinRa related to the loss or adverse outcome.)

**Loss Of Life:**  
None.

**Injury To Life:**  
Private Macbay is currently in MedWing awaiting non-Curative attention for his broken wrist; Private Durant sustained mild to serious bruising and suspected bruised/broken ribs – awaiting x-ray clarification. Strife sustained no injuries by my hand, _please_ be sure to inform Sephiroth.

**Loss or Damage To ShinRa Property:**  
It has been repeatedly said that the maintenance stairway should have been blocked off for security's sake years ago, but I assume its currently unusable state is to be regarded as both loss and damage.

**Loss or Damage To Other Property:**  
None.

**Damage to Diplomatic Relationships:**  
None.

**Damage to ShinRa's Reputation:**  
I do not have enough knowledge to have an informed opinion on the matter.

**Violation of Regulations:**  
Possible attempted desertion of duty; certain removal of detainee from Turk inter ~~rogation~~ view. ~~Distracting~~ inappropriate workwear.

**Any Charges Or Legal Actions Under Civilian Legal Codes:**  
None. You have been told this question is superfluous, I assume?

**Itemise Any Other Known Or Suspected Adverse Outcomes:**  
Known:  
The maintenance access stairway has been severely damaged. It renders certain security concerns null but does mean the non-military personnel ~~top bigwigs in particular~~ will have to put up with a visible janitorial presence. I am given to understand this will be difficult for them.

The Turks' internal reputation has taken significant damage.

The reputation of SOLDIER has likewise taken some bruising.

Suspected:  
I may be seeing the business end of the Masamune for seeing Cloud Strife is such a manner without procuring photographic proof to use as ~~bribery~~ incentive to spare my life.

 

** Section III. Scope And Circumstances: **

**Did This Incident Occur In The Line Of Duty?**  
Yes.

**Describe The Incident:**  
(Include as much detail as possible about the incident and any relevant interactions with non-ShinRa personnel. List any mitigating factors or justifying circumstances.)

I was supposed to be guarding the stairway access as part of what I suspect to be a standard new SOLDIER hazing ritual; official records indicate only three attempts to gain access to the upper floors of the headquarters using them in the past two years.

I would have thought it would have been more but it seems a full frontal approach is more often preferred by terrorist organisations and individuals with personal grudges.

Five hours into my guard shift, alarms indicating a fire on the lower floors began. Approximately twenty minutes later, Privates Macbay and Durant fell out of the elevator, shoved aside by an infuriated secretary.* They complained vocally and at length that they were meant to be 'escaping' which meant 'going down and out, not up, what the [expletive], you're not usually this blond'. The secretary had red hair, as is unofficially expected on higher floors with frequent senior company management traffic.

The secretary was unimpressed and indicated the doorway I was ~~trying not to fall asleep in front of~~ guarding, informing Privates Macbay and Durant of the existence of the stairway access and that it led to the ground floor side exit/entrance.

Both were incredulous, saying, and I quote, 'not even ShinRa could be that [expletive] stupid'. I regretted to inform them that access was strictly prohibited and they should move on with their girlfriend.

The secretary kicked me. It felt extremely and unnecessarily violent at the time and in retrospect. I briefly collapsed.

When I could stand, I went down the stairs after them. The secretary was having some difficulty with her shoes – over or under sized, I suspect, rather than the low heel. I repeated the standard cease and desist ultimatum, attempting to convince Privates Macbay and Durant of the folly of their choices and that their punishments would be... not as strict if they were to give up peaceably.

I add that I was not aware of the surrounding circumstances; at the time, I thought their only crime was attempted access to a restricted area for frivolous purposes.

The secretary threw her shoes at me and turned out to be much faster in bare feet. I stress that I did not intend to inflict physical harm upon her or the privates without due cause, but while I was somewhat impressed by the level of force with which the shoe was thrown, I considered the fractured cheekbone from the shoe hitting my face due cause.

Private Macbay apparently felt threatened by the unsheathing of my weapon and attempted to reach for and presumably throw one of the smoke grenades he was carrying on his person. I broke his wrist accidentally using too much force to prevent that outcome. Private Durant yelled at the secretary to run – she had stopped when she heard Private Macbay scream.

Private Durant's exact words were 'he knew the risks, Strife, keep going!'

Private Macbay groaned and slapped himself in the face with his free (unbroken) hand.

Strife yanked the red wig off – I express admiration for whoever and whatever managed to tame his hair enough to fit under it – and came running back at me.

I was ~~shocked~~ ~~panicked~~ ~~consumed with Sephiroth-based dread~~ startled by the revelation of his identity and did not move in time. I fell back and was stunned by a glancing blow to the head. Strife pulled me up with one arm and proceeded to throw me forwards, down the stairs. It was quite a long roll.

Private Durant expressed that Strife had only made things more difficult in making me an obstacle ahead of them instead of behind them.

Strife indicated that he hadn't even wanted to escape in the first place, did they really think he wanted to play hide and seek with Sephiroth? I am fairly certain I heard 'again', but due to my head injury, cannot be entirely sure I didn't mishear; I think I must have because I don't know when Strife and Sephiroth first played hide and seek. ~~That makes it sound like a sex thing. I do not want to think of Sephiroth's kinks. I can't afford a Mystify materia and don't have the training to use it safely on myself anyway.~~

Strife said he had only told Macbay and Durant of the existence of the ~~huge hole in security~~ usually unguarded staircase because he felt he should help _them_ escape the consequences of their misplaced attempt to help him and intended to see them safely out. He grabbed Private Macbay and pulled them both partway down the stairs before letting them go. His curses were fluent and diverse. He told them both that he'd had everything handled and they hadn't needed to put their lives on the line doing anything.

Private Durant said he thought they'd just been risking their careers.

Strife said he was an idiot and had he ever _met_ Sephiroth?

Privates Durant and Macbay of course said no, they hadn't.

I was at the time viewing Strife in triplicate but I am almost certain his eye twitched.

Strife jumped my prone body easily upon reaching me – please tell Sephiroth _I saw nothing_ – but I was recovering rapidly by the time Privates Durant and Macbay had reached me and attempted to apprehend them. There may have been a small localised materia reaction. I am not sure if it was myself or Strife who damaged the next five staircases. I suspect it was Strife? I cannot vouch for that. I may have misaimed a few spells.

I have no recollection of my thoughts at the time. I believe I was concerned about my future lifespan should it reach SOLDIER 1st Class Sephiroth that I had failed to apprehend Strife given the opportunity.

I do not know how Private Durant sustained his suspected bruised/broken ribs. I was focused as much as possible on the apprehension of Strife, I don't believe it occurred to me to pull my punches with his companions. I apologise, and am willing to undergo retraining if necessary.

~~strife just~~ ~~he fucking~~ ~~incredible~~ ~~fuck~~

Strife was barefoot, in a skirt, possibly wearing a bra stuffed with a pair of oranges, and he didn't even bother getting any form of weaponry out to kick my ass down several floors. ~~If part of Sephiroth's... thing is a desire to worship his destruction, I completely understand it now.~~ I was resentfully impressed. I gather this is not an unusual thing with Cloud Strife these days. I regret there are no actual working cameras in the staircase access because I feel footage of Strife's actions and inspired use of his environment would be very educational. And I don't recall much, if any of it.

There was a lot of screaming. I think it may have been mine. It could equally have been Durant or Macbay. It certainly wasn't Strife.

Upon that subject, I would like to request clemency if possible for Privates Durant and Macbay. Their attempted 'rescue' exhibited creativity, resourcefulness, loyalty and nerve. It is a pity their goals were in opposition of ShinRa's own but I am sure appropriate retraining is all that is needed to put them back on the right track. I completely understand if ~~Sephiroth~~ circumstances make it impossible.

I woke up on the ground outside the stairway entrance. Macbay and Durant were nearby. I suspect Strife carried us out, mercifully - there was a lot of noise from inside the building that indicated structural damage.

In the interests of full disclosure, I think I told Strife he was gorgeous son of a bitch and I would kiss his feet if Sephiroth wouldn't kill me slowly and painfully first. Strife rightfully did not take my concussion-prompted words seriously. He ignored my ridiculous statement and told me he did not have a high level Restore materia on him and he didn't want to risk further aggravating any injuries. He himself had a light bruise on his face, which I was absolutely not responsible for.

I asked him why he was not officially in SOLDIER, I think.

He laughed. A lot.

 

*I didn't want to ruin the surprise.

 

**Fully Describe The Incident:**

~~I think I used up all my coherence on the 'Describe the Incident'. Please make allowances for that.~~

~~At 0600 MST I was ordered to guard a doorway no one gives a flying fuck about 99% of the time. It turned out I would be lucky enough to see that 1%. At (I don't remember, security vid time stamps required for clarification) Privates Macbay and Durant turned out to have a plan to 'free' their friend from Turk clutches and proceeded to make it my problem. Their friend is very pretty in a skirt but not worth getting beaten down fifty staircases.~~

~~My head really hurts. I hate everything~~

_[SOLDIER 3rd Wilkes is currently undergoing a second Curative session for their injuries; kindly request a follow-up interview at your leisure AFTER they have been declared fit for duty. Honestly, young man, I will report you to your superior for waste of company resources if we have to keep using potions on one person.]_


	12. Telegrams for Midgar!

Form No. 4. 1000. 16.8.10.

The Shinra Global Marine Communication Co., Ltd.,

No. `**JUNON BASE**` OFFICE. `**16 August**`

Handed in at `**DISPERARE**`

This message has been transmitted subject to the conditions printed on the back hereof, which have been agreed to by the Sender. If the accuracy of this message is doubted, the Receiver, on paying the necessary charges, may have it repeated whenever possible, from Office to Office over the Company's system, and should any error be shown to exist, all charges for such repetition will be refunded. This form must accompany any enquiry respecting this Telegram.

To `**JUNON**`

` ** THIS IS NOT A DRILL. RECEIVED WORD SEPHIROTH ON THE MOVE. PLEASE ADVISE. ** `

* * *

Form No. 1. 1000. 18.3.11.

The Shinra Global Marine Communication Co., Ltd.,

No. 616 `**"JUNON"**` OFFICE. `**16 August**`

Prefix. ____ Code______ Words `**19**`

Office of Origin ____` **JUNON**` ________

Service Instructions: `**SENT TO "DISPERARE"**`

READ THE CONDITIONS PRINTED ON THE BACK OF THIS FORM.

To: **`DISPERARE`**

**` TRY AND KEEP HIM WHERE HE IS FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE GODS. INFORM ALL OTHERS IN AREA.`**

* * *

Form No. 4. 1000. 16.8.10.

The Shinra Global Marine Communication Co., Ltd.,

No. `**JUNON BASE**` OFFICE. `**16 August**`

Handed in at `**DISPERARE**`

This message has been transmitted subject to the conditions printed on the back hereof, which have been agreed to by the Sender. If the accuracy of this message is doubted, the Receiver, on paying the necessary charges, may have it repeated whenever possible, from Office to Office over the Company's system, and should any error be shown to exist, all charges for repetition will be refunded. This form must accompany any enquiry respecting this Telegram.

To `**JUNON**`

` **YOU MISUNDERSTAND. WORD IS NOT THAT SEPHIROTH IS PREPARING TO MOVE. WORD IS THAT SEPHIROTH IS ON THE MOVE.**`

* * *

Form No. 1. 1000. 18.3.11.

The Shinra Global Marine Communication Co., Ltd.,

No. 616 `**"JUNON"**` OFFICE. `**16 August**`

Prefix. ____ Code______ Words `**1**`

Office of Origin **`JUNON.`**

Service Instructions: ` **SENT TO "DISPERARE"**`

READ THE CONDITIONS PRINTED ON THE BACK OF THIS FORM.

To: **` DISPERARE`**

**` DAMN. ` **

* * *

The Shinra Global Marine Communication Co., Ltd.,

No. of Telegram

No. of Words

SENT –

At `2.50 P-`M  
To `Junon`  
By `AG`

The `Sender's Name` and `Address` , or either of them, if to be telegraphed must be written at the end of the Telegram.

To `Operator, Junon Base.`

` REPORT: SEPHIROTH SIGHTED N OF I, HEADING SW. `

I request that the above Telegram may be forwarded, subject to the Conditions which are printed on the back hereof, and by which I agree to be bound.

Signature and Address of Sender (not to be Telegraphed) `Esperanza, docked at NCC`

* * *

Form No. 1. 1000. 18.3.11.

The Shinra Global Marine Communication Co., Ltd.,

No. 616 `**"JUNON"**` OFFICE. `**16 August**`

Prefix. ____ Code______ Words `**1**`

Office of Origin **`JUNON.`**

Service Instructions: ` **SENT TO "ESPERANZA"**`

` **VIA D.** `

` **VIA II.** `

READ THE CONDITIONS PRINTED ON THE BACK OF THIS FORM.

To: **`ESPERANZA`**

**` SHIT. ` **

* * *

**SHINRA CO., TELEGRAM OFFICE**

RECEIVED AT ` ST, M, VIA SGMCR`

` AUG 16 `

NUMBER 34

RECEIVED BY RB

DATED ` Aug 16`

TO ` SHINRA CO. TOWER, MIDGAR PLATE,`

` SOS= from SHINRA OPERATOR, JUNON BASE `

` MULTIPLE REPORTS SEPHIROTH MOVING = NO PRIOR WARNING = NEED ASSISTANCE = WHAT DO? `

` JBO `

* * *

The Shinra Telegraph-Cable Division transmits and delivers this message subject to the terms and conditions printed on the back of this blank.

**TO** ` Junon Base, pertinent official levels [ALL]`

` DO NOT PANIC. IF SEEN IN PERSON AT ANY POINT, POLITELY REMIND SEPHIROTH HIS MISSION HAS NOT BEEN CLASSIFIED COMPLETE. FORWARD MESSAGE TO ANY AND ALL TRANSPORTS AND PERSONNEL. REPEAT DO NOT PANIC. `

**FROM** ` Midgar Office`

* * *

Form No. 1. 1000. 18.3.11.

The Shinra Global Marine Communication Co., Ltd.,

No. 616 `**"JUNON"**` OFFICE. `**16 August**`

Prefix. ____ Code______ Words `**36**`

Office of Origin `**JUNON.**`

Service Instructions: `**SENT TO "DISPERARE"**`

` ** VIA II. ** `

` ** VIA E. ** `

READ THE CONDITIONS PRINTED ON THE BACK OF THIS FORM.

To: **`DISPERARE`**

**` MESSAGE FROM MIDGAR. DO NOT PANIC. IF SEEN IN PERSON AT ANY POINT, POLITELY REMIND SEPHIROTH HIS MISSION HAS NOT BEEN CLASSIFIED COMPLETE. FORWARD MESSAGE TO ANY AND ALL TRANSPORTS AND PERSONNEL. REPEAT DO NOT PANIC. ` **

* * *

Form No. 4. 1000. 16.8.10.

The Shinra Global Marine Communication Co., Ltd.,

No. `**JUNON BASE**` OFFICE. `**16 August**`

Handed in at `**DISPERARE**`

This message has been transmitted subject to the conditions printed on the back hereof, which have been agreed to by the Sender. If the accuracy of this message is doubted, the Receiver, on paying the necessary charges, may have it repeated whenever possible, from Office to Office over the Company's system, and should any error be shown to exist, all charges for repetition will be refunded. This form must accompany any enquiry respecting this Telegram.

To `**JUNON**`

` **FUCK. THAT.** `

* * *

**Urgent Delivery**

Delivery Number: 02034506

Form ID: 4534-ST-001

[CdS Office] to [J. Base]

`CONGRATULATIONS. WORST IDEA EVER HEARD IN THE HISTORY OF SHINRA.`

* * *

The Shinra Global Marine Communication Co., Ltd.,

No. of Telegram

No. of Words

SENT –

At `11.02 P-`M  
To `Junon`  
By `AG`

The `Sender's Name` and `Address` , or either of them, if to be telegraphed must be written at the end of the Telegram.

To `Operator, Junon Base.`

` URGENT REPORT: GIA SAYS SEPHIROTH VANISHED. REPEAT, WE HAVE NO EYES ON SEPHIROTH. `

I request that the above Telegram may be forwarded, subject to the Conditions which are printed on the back hereof, and by which I agree to be bound.

Signature and Address of Sender (not to be Telegraphed) `Esperanza, docked at NCC`

* * *

Form No. 1. 1000. 18.3.11.

The Shinra Global Marine Communication Co., Ltd.,

No. 616 `**"JUNON"**` OFFICE. `**17 August**`

Prefix. ____ Code______ Words `**1**`

Office of Origin **`JUNON.`**

Service Instructions: ` **SENT TO "ESPERANZA"**`

` **VIA D.** `

` **VIA II.** `

READ THE CONDITIONS PRINTED ON THE BACK OF THIS FORM.

To: **`ESPERANZA`**

**` FUCK.`**

* * *

**Urgent Delivery**

Delivery Number: 02034518

Form ID: 4534-ST-001

[CdS Office] to [J. Base]

`NOT TO PANIC, BUT SEPHIROTH HAS BEEN OFF-GRID FOR HOURS ACCORDING TO OUR REPORTS. YOURS?`

* * *

**SHINRA CO., TELEGRAM OFFICE**

RECEIVED AT `ST, M, VIA SGMCR`

` AUG 17`

NUMBER `  38`

RECEIVED BY `RB`

DATED `Aug 17`

TO `SHINRA CO. TOWER, MIDGAR PLATE,`

` SOS= from SHINRA OPERATOR, JUNON BASE `

` SEPHIROTH GONE = PERMISSION TO PANIC? `

` JBO `

* * *

The Shinra Telegraph-Cable Division transmits and delivers this message subject to the terms and conditions printed on the back of this blank.

**TO**  `Junon Base, to be transmitted to ALL`

` PANIC. `

**FROM**  `Midgar Office`


	13. Shift Report

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MP Mazell takes life too seriously.

I am MP 1649 Alexander Mazell, assigned to 8 relief, J division, based at Sec 5 mob comm unit. It is **05:00h** on **August 18**.

As per J division requirement, this is my shift report.

I regret to recount a series of developments which over the last few hours have got completely out of hand. Since the shift began, 8 relief has incurred several casualties and one death. As per the new J division regulations, this will be as accurate an account of the shift as I can give, including "all detail, no matter how seemingly mundane".

\---

**17 Aug**

At **21:55h** I paraded 8 relief for night-shift duty at the Sector 5 mobile command unit. It comprised of myself and five privates: MPs 3150 Edgar Alkin 1702 Cyan Mabbe 5819 Vix Saben 9328 Clara Plail and 1367 Johnny Relga. As "J Division" was specifically formed for the temporary but primary purpose of controlling public order and providing anti-vandal patrols in the vicinity of the slum entrance gates, we have no regular senior command and to date a different duty officer has been appointed on each shift. At present we are under the command of Captain Durand.

When we arrived for duty yesterday the "Special Security Team" – I am guessing newly inducted Turks – were in their usual position, loitering on the inner side of the gate nearer the slum itself than the gate. Yet again they made no effort to communicate with us or update us on any developments.

The Peacekeeping and Policing Special Powers Act, rushed in last month and which, as you know, I and several other officers made clear in writing that we dislike, may have given us greater powers of arrest and interrogation and deem even raw probationers trustworthy enough to carry heavy-duty firearms on routine duties, but it does not apparently trust us to know the names or ranks of the non-MP personnel who suddenly seem to wield authority over our day-to-day operations. This last week we've been reminded constantly by priority notices that we "must defer to the Special Security Team in all matters relating to gate security and unexpected arrivals" – we can read between the lines here, we know that translates as "we're just waiting for Sephiroth to hit us like a ton of bricks" – yet none of the pairs of "Special Security" officers have felt it necessary to introduce themselves to us. I therefore have no choice but to refer to the two "officers" on this occasion as "Suit One" and Suit Two".

I organised the shift as follows:

MP Alkin, being the oldest officer present, was left to staff the mobile unit. MP Mabbe, my most effective officer, was to spend the first turn guarding the gate entrance itself, and given remit to answer all emergency calls and provide immediate support as and when necessary. MPs Plail and Saben were assigned foot patrol between the gate and the inner wastes to the slum proper. MP Relga… is young and inexperienced and frankly incompetent in terms of his procedural knowledge and dealings with the general public. I placed him where I thought he could do the least harm, on patrol with myself, intended to move between units as the night progressed. As usual, I was given to understand that if necessary I had access to trained Guard Hounds and backup from night-cover.

At **22:05h** we received our first call of the evening. A fight had broken out between two slum dwellers that threatened to become troublesome when one proved to have access to a materia – ice, confiscated at the scene. MP Plail attended.

At **22:13h** we received a call to "Rubble Cross" – the inner sector area between the slum gates of Sector 4 and 5 – where a pack of zenene had been sighted. As zenene do not usually congregate in any greater numbers than three or four at most, this was deemed unusual behaviour, possibly mako-prompted and with all the attending issues thereof. After a short discussion with the overwhelmed guard pair there we contacted Tower and were informed a 3rd Class had been dispatched, then told that external gate security must be our primary concern.

At **22:15h** we received a second call about the zenene pack from a second observer.

At **22:20h** we received a third call about the zenene pack, rather more belligerent in nature than the first two. We confirmed with Tower that a 3rd Class was en route and relayed the pertinent information to the concerned member of the public. They did not appreciate the delay.

At **22:45h** MP Relga and myself attended a disturbance within Sector 5 slum, regarding three (3) men attempting to… frankly I cannot fathom what they intended, they appeared to be gathering hedgehog pies into bags for reasons unknown. MP Saben had received similar Intel and arrived from the southern entrance path, opposite myself and Relga and a good deal closer to the suspects in question. They startled and promptly ran, unfortunately not towards myself and Relga, dropping one (1) half-full sack of hedgehog pies in the confusion. MP Saben pursued while MP Relga and myself dealt with the incredibly annoyed hedgehog pies. They screech like human babies when dropped from anything greater than twice their height, who knew?

MP Relga received minor burns from the little beasts and was limping badly enough to have been left behind when attempting to resume pursuit; I ordered him to return to the entrance gate before I tried to catch up to MP Saben. MP Saben and I quickly discovered that the three suspects had scaled a fence mid-way along and scattered into the area known familiarly to locals as "The Scrapheap". MP Saben and I attempted to follow but she lost her footing and fell into a pile of miscellaneous scrap objects. I searched the Scrapheap but could find no trace of the suspects other than faint scorch marks and a few scattered quills. I called Command to request a hound unit but as it could not be determined that an actual crime had occurred I was informed that canine support was unavailable at that time.

MP Saben managed to release herself but sustained a twisted ankle and several deep lacerations on her legs and arms unprotected by armour.

At **23:10h** I dropped MP Saben off at the Cure Unit in Sector 4. With two officers down, 8 relief was quite short-handed, but thus far this was a routine midweek shift and I saw no purpose in requesting extra manpower from Command. Instead I brought MP Alkin out of the mobile unit and allocated him MP Saben's patrol.

At **23:17h** I locked and secured the mobcomm caravan and recommenced patrol.

At **23:21h** MP Alkin informed me he was en route to a domestic disturbance at "7 Rubble Pile" in Sector 5. Not technically within our purview any longer as "J Division" officers, but I saw no reason to call him back. Sector 5 has the smallest number of permanently assigned MPs, owing to the rarity of the more extreme blowups common of other slum sectors occurring within its limits.

At **23:30h** I called MP Relga requesting an update. He did not reply. I was not alarmed by this; MP Relga is an undependable officer – not lazy, exactly, but slow-thinking. It might have been that he turned the volume of his radio down, or that he forgot to put a new battery in when checking at the start of shift – both things have happened before.

At **23:31h** I received a request for backup from MP Alkin. I replied as the closest officer present and asked what the problem was. I was told that the domestic incident at "7 Rubble Pile" was a violent fight between a woman and her common-law wife, as a result of which the interior of their dwelling had been destroyed, although it is difficult to know how they ascertain such things in the slums. I was informed that either one or both of them were suspected to have access to a low-level materia and had both enough skill to use it and not enough to control it.

The couple in question are Frida and Mira Werra, known to be petty thieves and prolific drinkers – not unusual or distinctive traits in the slums – who regularly fight both local monsters and each other. They are usually warned to keep the noise down and refrain from throwing items in the street again – there is no point holding them for any longer than it takes for one or the other to sober up as neither will press charges once they do so. They have been warned on multiple occasions however, and advised to seek counselling or to please break up and seek partners that don't exacerbate their worst traits.

MP Alkin informed me that he had spoken to them regarding breaching the peace but they had rounded on him and thrown him bodily out of the "house".

At **23:44h** I attended "7 Rubble Pile", where MP Alkin was waiting outside, dishevelled, his helmet knocked clean off and with visible bruising on his face. There was a distinct scent of ozone about the place but no sounds of spellcasting from inside the "building". Judging it safe enough, I knocked on the dwelling's equivalent of a door and was greeted by Frida Werra in a state of undress that indicated she and Mira were in the "reconciliation" stage of their fights. She was however still wearing one half of a pair of metal knuckle gloves from which I saw her hastily unequip an unidentified Magic materia.

She admitted that she and Mira had continued arguing in MP Alkin's presence, and that Mira had used foul and abusive language. She insisted that they had not used any materia during the course of their physical altercation preceding MP Alkin's interference and their home was usually in its current state of disarray. When pressed she admitted it might have been a little more disarrayed than usual, but only, she insisted, because she and Mira had been "reconciling" in their typical manner.

She admitted to throwing MP Alkin out of the "house", stating that he had upset Mira with his opinion on her language, namely that "if any daughter of his had spoken like that he'd give her the hiding of her life", and that she felt it best to demonstrate exactly why he was the one in need of "a good beating". Mira interjected at this point that she was the one who had physically thrown MP Alkin out, although she did admit that Frida was responsible for the facial bruising. Frida's physical prowess is one of her most attractive traits to Mira, I am given to understand. She corroborated Frida's story of non-materia use, despite the ozone scent and distinct Bolt1 damage present.

I reminded them both that careless materia use costs lives and if I received another account of them potentially misusing materia it was now within my rights to confiscate it. I reminded them that assaulting a ShinRa MP carried a fine and potential jail sentence. Both interjected that MP Alkin "deserved it", but I stressed that "deserve" does not come into consideration where ShinRa's punishments are concerned. They paid the fine promptly, although they did complain that it left them with very little to pay for repairs to any structural damage to their dwelling. I did not tell them it was difficult to believe it had any structural integrity in the first place.

At **23:59h** after giving them a last written warning, I left Frida and Mira to either clean up their domicile or "reconcile" further and escorted MP Alkin to the Cure Unit. MP Alkin is old enough to remember when each Sector was a town – even some of their names – and despite his firm grip on his rifle, looked more than a little concussed. I felt it safer for all if he sought treatment for his injuries rather than persisted with patrol.

\----

**18 Aug**

At **00:22h** , having tried once more to contact MP Relga, I approached the slum limits where Suit One and Suit Two were sharing a sushi plate. I didn't know that diner delivered. I asked them if they had seen MP Relga on his way back to the gate entrance. They replied in the negative but added that just because they hadn't seen him didn't mean he hadn't been around – they said they'd had more important things to concentrate on. I asked if their sushi plate was particularly good or if it was the complimentary (there was still a "with compliments" tag attached) booze to which they chuckled and offered no further comment.

I admit to being a little annoyed by their attitude, but I assumed they were professionals nonetheless and expected that they would if necessary actually do their jobs, whatever they happened to be, and left them to it.

At **00:24h** I called MP Mabbe asking if they had seen or heard anything of Relga. MP Mabbe answered promptly, but did not speak. I could hear them breathing – very quick and shallow – and immediately asked if there was any difficulty. After a long pause, MP Mabbe cleared their throat and said very calmly that 1st Class Sephiroth was at the gate and was requesting entry.

My timekeeping may not be entirely accurate from this point on; I apologise and would like to assure that there is no cause other than panic.

At **00:26h** I made it to the entrance gate. 1st Class Sephiroth was indeed standing on the other side of the barrier. He was holding MP Relga casually by the throat and occasionally hauled him about as he gestured for emphasis.

I do not think he meant to kill MP Relga; that is, I do not think he considered Relga at all. I think – MP Mabbe may be able to confirm – that he picked MP Relga up by his throat in anger or irritation – forgetting or perhaps uncaring that he was not mako-enhanced and could not stand such treatment – and simply forgot to put him down again when he stopped struggling. How Relga ended up on the wrong side of the barrier is a matter for internal investigation but as I have said in previous reports, Relga is not – was not – very bright. He may very well have gone to deny 1st Class Sephiroth entry, or to ask for an autograph. Either way I think the coroner will have no objection to assigning "suicide" or "death by misadventure".

MP Mabbe had discarded their rifle in favour of keeping the Sector Key very clearly held high in one hand so that Sephiroth could see it. They politely, calmly and professionally repeated, as per official instruction, that Tower had not classified his mission as complete.

1st Class Sephiroth did not seem to care much for what Tower classified his missions, saying that was "unfortunate" but that he did consider his mission complete and he would like to re-enter Midgar now. He said "if possible" but it was by no means a request. He added casually that he could of course enter the city by violent means with little effort but it would "upset Cloud" to "miss the fun" and, as an afterthought, the destruction "might make shopping difficult".

MP Mabbe, seeing a point of contact by which it might be possible to establish further communication and delay violence, asked 1st Class Sephiroth what he meant by "shopping". He shrugged and said that he distinctly recalled Cloud (Strife, I assume, of dubious internal company fame) having a birthday at some point in August – he didn't seem entirely sure if it was the 11th or the 19th but since he had been shipped out of Midgar on the first date he thought it "fair" that he should return for the second. MP Mabbe was quick to assure that Cloud probably wouldn't mind, adding in desperate attempt at humanisation that their own partner would forgive late birthdays so long as the presents were appropriately lavish. I am sure MP Mabbe meant to be helpful by giving such advice; I seriously doubt they have ever forgotten a birthday or anniversary. Sephiroth smiled – not very charming, given that he was still dragging a limp MP Relga through the dust whenever he took a step – and said "You've never met Cloud, have you?" He elaborated that despite "great effort" on his part, Cloud had not enjoyed previous "gifts".

When asked what those gifts were his reply was "despair, rebirth – the usual."

MP Mabbe – arm now shaking a little with the strain of being held above their head so long – politely said they didn't think despair was purchasable at any of the slum markets since it was all-pervading and free Below Plate anyway and asked why Sector 5 in particular. Sephiroth shrugged and said that he knew Cloud had "fond memories" of people and places there. In particular that he had heard Cloud was missing "certain past times in particular" and he thought he should "indulge" him.

It does nobody's soul any good to understand the caprice of fate, or Sephiroth's decisions.

At **00:28h**  the Masamune was unsheathed. MP Mabbe made the quick – and I am thinking correct – decision to avoid the likely immense property damage and told Sephiroth to hold off, we would unlock the gate now if he would be so kind as to wait, and give his word that he would not harm us.

1st Class Sephiroth nodded his assent and MP Mabbe unlocked the gate with some slight delay due to shaking hands.

At **00:29h** 1st Class Sephiroth thanked MP Mabbe and stepped into the inner wastes of Sector 5. He then realised he was still holding MP Relga and dropped him just inside of the gate entrance with a puzzled look, as if unsure how MP Relga had come to be there or what he was doing holding onto him.

Knowing that the Company would prefer the smallest possible amount of collateral damage to cover up, I told MP Mabbe to "assist" MP Relga. Being quick on the uptake MP Mabbe proceeded to treat MP Relga as if his condition was critical rather than deceased, radioing for medical assistance and running through basic first aid.

1st Class Sephiroth did not seem concerned by MP Mabbe's superbly acted farce and continued without pause towards Sector 5. I delayed briefly to receive MP Mabbe's hand signals indicating they would contact Tower the moment Sephiroth was out of earshot, then caught up to him.

At approximately **00:31h** 1st Class Sephiroth and I reached the slum limits. Suit One and Suit Two were nowhere in sight, despite the priority notices and their claims that we should "step back when necessary and allow Special Security services to engage" rather than act in accordance with our jobs and training. 1st Class Sephiroth paused momentarily as if considering something, then shrugged and headed in the direction of "the Flowering Church".

The "Flowering Church" is quite famous in-Sector, although I cannot say if that fame extends into other Sectors and certainly not if anything is known of it Plate-wise – I cannot therefore say with any surety how it reached Sephiroth's attention. Locals are quite protective of it for various reasons, most likely symbolic, but it has not escaped MP notice that Turk presence is high in the immediate area. Indeed, when originally informed of the "Special Security" measures I thought it was merely an extension of their unusual interest.

I have never entered the church myself and have heard far too many rumours of "discouraging" encounters with suited individuals expressing that wiser life choices could be made to have any great desire to do so. I cannot speculate on 1st class Sephiroth's reasons or desires, only that he indicated an interest in entering the "Flowering Church" and it was only at that point that Suit One and Suit Two re-emerged from wherever they happened to have conveniently relocated to. 1st Class Sephiroth did not seem surprised by their sudden (re)appearance; he seemed to have expected it.

It was by this time **00:35h** when Suit One stepped forward and informed 1st Class Sephiroth that the premises he was about to enter were restricted access and he should "move along". I don't think I need to state how ineffective that admonishment was. Suit Two, perhaps noticing 1st Class Sephiroth's expression, tried to defuse the situation by asking Sephiroth about his prior mission, had he enjoyed himself, seen anything interesting, etc.

1st Class Sephiroth allowed Suit Two to talk themselves out and trail off into a very uncomfortable silence that lingered for a long moment. Without taking his eyes off their faces, he kicked one of the church's doors open (off its hinges, in fact). Suits One and Two, showing more bravery than I ever would have expected of them, moved as if to engage him in battle.

1st Class Sephiroth turned to briefly examine the church interior and said, "What a pity, nobody's home."

Strangely, Suits One and Two seemed deeply relieved by this announcement, far more than such sarcasm deserved. It is not unbelievable, of course, that anyone in the slums should reside in an abandoned church – it is rather more surprising that the "Flowering Church" does not in fact contain at least half a dozen squatters at any one time, given it's unexpectedly fine and solid state – the roof is even mostly intact, a slum novelty. Nonetheless, we have no records of anyone sheltering there overnight – or if they do so, they have the sense not to call attention to themselves – so the reaction of the Suits seemed rather extreme.

Having promptly lost interest in both the church and the Suits – if either really ever had it in the first place; I admit to not being entirely sure – 1st Class Sephiroth turned away from the church without entering and began to walk off, ignoring Suits One and Two's attempts to engage him further in conversation. I tried to express that they should withdraw and possibly seek reinforcements – and certainly newer orders based on an updated understanding of the situation – but neither Suit appeared to understand my signals, gestures or even desperate pantomiming. It was not entirely unexpected to me when 1st Class Sephiroth grabbed Suit One by the tie and threw her into a shack. When I say "into", I mean she went right through a wall and possibly the next. I do not think she was greatly injured. Turks are, after all, notoriously difficult to kill.

Suit Two was at that point quite willing to remain with their partner rather than continue trying to divert 1st Class Sephiroth; I confess myself unsurprised.

At **00:50h** 1st Class Sephiroth stopped walking and inquired if I knew a way to Sector 6's Wall Market. I like to think I did not show any surprise or judgement on my face. I replied that there was in fact a route direct from Sector 5 that did not require crossing any of the Sector 5-6 checkpoints – I thought it best that 1st Class Sephiroth not be exposed to anything as aggravating or with as many potential casualties as the inter-Sector checkpoints.

There is a (literal) hole in the Sector Wall between Sectors 5 and 6. Despite the risk of cross-Sector disagreement and discontent spreading, it has never been corrected simply because the route is quite dangerous for the average citizen to traverse and has thus been considered a negligible risk to continued Sector separation and happiness (reference file SMWP56/2).

I directed 1st Class Sephiroth to this breach and stayed at a safe distance while directing him through to the Sector 6-7 gate wall against which the Wall Market has established a permanent presence. I made periodic attempts to contact Captain Durand but received no answer after the first attempt, which ended abruptly upon mentioning 1st Class Sephiroth.

At **01:20h** – 1st Class Sephiroth was intrigued by the Hell Houses – we entered the Wall Market.

I have visited the Wall Market three times before now on official business. It has been commonly speculated that anyone could do anything there and not a single citizen would care, Wall Market being founded on the idea that life is short and pleasure too fleeting to care about how others get theirs. I can now state that theory is absolutely true – the only people to care that 1st Class Sephiroth was walking through were the working men and women and only in the sense that they saw a potential customer.

Unprofessionally, perhaps, I confess to feeling quite faint at the number of people still about, not to mention some of the particularly enterprising attempts to catch 1st Class Sephiroth's attention. The Wall Market does not sleep – literally, every establishment there operates on a 24 hour basis – and while there was a significant decrease in its usual number of citizenry that was only in comparison to its day or Friday/Saturday night numbers.

I did think I had perhaps made a mistake but thankfully 1st Class Sephiroth was feeling reasonable – or pretending to be such – and he did not react overmuch.

At **01:24h** I deeply regret to nervously inquiring as to the objectives of 1st Class Sephiroth's personal mission; he promptly entered the Honey Bee Inn at **01:25h** , ignoring any attempt to ascertain his membership status. Denied entry myself despite insisting that I was on official business, I occupied myself reading the signs prohibiting entry to "other brothel owners, scouts, and minors" and informing that "poaching hostesses will result in 100,000 gil fine". I did attempt to keep an ear out but the soundproofing of the Honey Bee Inn is excellent considering the location and means available. I have no idea what occurred inside the property.

I feel it is probably unnecessary to note that the Honey Bee Inn is a slum brothel; one of considerable reputation, given the rumours of some of its clientele.

At **01:26h** 1st Class Sephiroth returned with a pair of (clean, I dearly hope) bikini briefs swinging from one finger. He tossed them at me and I promptly put them in an evidence bag. Seeing my disconcerted look he said he was going to send them to Cloud "for old times' sake". Despite being desperately curious, I decided against asking further.

I did not ask if a "Heidegger clean-up" team was required, assuming there would have been more screaming complaints if one was and that the Honey Bee Inn probably has their own in-house operation anyway.

It is not my place to speculate on upper management's private business; I only note that "Heidegger clean-up" is the accepted term Below Plate for violent incidents between working girls and their customers that require monetary correction.

At **01:30h** Sephiroth approached Giuseppe's "Clothing Emporium" – currently; it changes periodically – and requested the creation and delivery of a dress. He was worryingly specific, if a little bemused to be told to describe what he wanted by look and feel, wondering aloud why he couldn't just ask for silk. I managed to take a peek at the measurements he produced for the dressmaker; they undoubtedly were not his own, so that is one less problem for Management ~~?~~

There was a short but informative conversation about certain issues regarding the dress and its construction and 1st Class Sephiroth paid promptly and generously for both quality and future delivery. I add that Giuseppe – if that is the owner/dressmaker's name – actually seemed thrilled by the challenge of creating a dress for someone ~~male~~ sight unseen. I do not expect difficulty or complaints from that quarter.

At **01:45h** 1st Class Sephiroth thanked Giuseppe for his time and exited. I contacted MP Mabbe briefly and was informed that Tower was aware of 1st Class Sephiroth's presence in the city but nothing was said regarding what exactly was being done about it. I told them to keep trying, and also to make sure MP Plail was updated as to the situation and relay that I had given her the order to see if divisions in Sector 2 required backup. MP Mabbe replied that they had already informed MP Plail of the circumstances but they would relay the order immediately. I thanked them and told them their orders were the same if MP Relga had already been dealt with. I know I should have attempted to contact and confirm such commands with Captain Durand but given frequent attempts to contact with no reply I assumed another would be nothing more than an act of futility.

I found 1st Class Sephiroth at **01:50h** , contemplating the Plate. Without looking at me he asked if I felt the dress and underwear would be enough to "make a point" – it wasn't as if it was necessary to pimp Cloud to a slum don for information, after all.

It took a great deal of willpower but I did eventually manage to say that I thought his point was made and refrained from further comment.

At **02:00h** , having dutifully followed 1st Class Sephiroth back outside of the Wall Market, we were greeted by a squad of very nervous young officers who requested, eventually, that 1st Class Sephiroth please follow them to the station and allow them to escort him to the ShinRa Tower.

1st Class Sephiroth contemplated them for a minute then turned to me and put his hand out. For a terrifying second I thought he wanted to shake hands until I remembered I was still carrying the evidence bag with the Honey Bee Inn bikini briefs. I handed them over without hesitation.

Regretfully, my patrol does not officially end until **06:00h** ; while I would have liked nothing more than to return to my typical night shift, it seemed clear that it was my duty to continue accompanying 1st Class Sephiroth until relieved by an actual senior officer. I attempted to contact Captain Durand once more to ascertain further orders but, again, received no reply. I fell in with the new squad, quickly noticing that they seemed to have no clear organisation and indeed seemed to lack a superior officer of any kind.

I understand that 1st Class Sephiroth is outside of the typical purview but such actions do not speak well of anyone involved. The officers present were all clearly confused and increasingly frightened, and fear is the biggest mistake maker. Finding no one else willing to take on the role, I took command of the unit. They seemed more settled to have someone nominally in charge.

I find I truly do not have the energy to detail every step of the journey; I imagine most can be easily accounted for via ShinRa security network cameras and I am willing to supply a supplementary report if necessary. We changed trains at the typical places at **02:20h** , **02:35h** , **02:45h** and **02:59h**. 1st Class Sephiroth remained compliant throughout, if by compliant it is understood that he sat calmly and moved with the squad when (respectfully) requested, while knowing he could at any time throw us all out of the carriage and onto the tracks. It was somehow more draining than if he had decided to derail the train entirely.

At **03:30h** we were greeted at the ShinRa Tower entrance by several Turks. They did not seem to be in the best of moods. I wondered if Suit One and Suit Two had made their reports. I feel no need to detail their conversation here; it is undoubtedly recorded and will be detailed in their own reports. Although Sephiroth did address me once in particular – I assume he was addressing me, given that I was probably the only person there with the necessary context to try and understand his meaning – assuring that I would "almost certainly" know when his investment arrived. "There'll be fireworks" were his exact words.

Once 1st Class Sephiroth had entered the tower at **03:31h** , leaving myself and the squad behind, I considered my nightmare concluded and ordered the squad to disperse and return to their normal duties. They did so with great relief and alacrity. I would have done the same myself if I hadn't been approached by a Turk requesting an explanation. I attempted to tell him that I needed to return to my patrol but he felt it more important that I make this report. He did, however, allow that I had spent several hours in some mental distress and would "overlook" some lack of detail, not to mention contact Captain Durand and inform him of my whereabouts and that I would not be returning to duty after filing this report. I wish him luck with that endeavour.

**Shift report concludes (further revision may be necessary before filing)**


	14. Emergency Meeting

MINUTES OF EMERGENCY MEETING, MIDGAR BOARD SELECT COMMITTEE SUPERVISING THE EXTREME CONTINGENCIES PLANNING GROUP

Present: President Shinra; Scarlet., Head of Weapons Development; Heidegger, Head of Public Safety Maintenance; Tseng, representing Investigative Division of General Affairs; Minow, nominated to represent Security; Brymer, Recording Secretary

Absent: Vice President Shinra (apologies – on extended assignment overseas); Mayor Domino (no apologies – "already fulfilled my lifetime figurehead obligations for the week, have fun getting slaughtered when Sephiroth comes back and finds you all in one place"); Hojo, Head of Science (no apologies, reportedly 'occupied' on Floor 68, no sign he received the meeting notice); Tuesti, of Urban Development (no apologies, not notified of meeting); Palmer, of Space Exploration (no apologies, not notified of meeting); Patsy, Lead Planner (no apologies - "I want to live"); Hart, Logistics and Statistics (apologies); Kileson, Liaison Planner (no apologies – obituary notice in  _The Midgar Times_ )

 

**President Shinra:**  Who wants to start?

**Scarlet:**  Well this is another fine fuck up.

**President Shinra:**  Thank you, Scarlet, I can always trust you to come in with a succinct summation of a situation. Does anyone have anything relevant to add?

**Minow:**  ...why am I here? I was sleeping.

**President Shinra:**  Not relevant.

**Brymer:**  ...(Because you're one of the poor bastards keeping track of S-Incidents and you had the gall to try and request a transfer)...

**Minow:**  Oh.

**Brymer:**  ...(Live and learn)...

**Heidegger:**  Shut up everyone, I'm thinking!

**Scarlet:**  Don't strain yourself.

**Tseng:**  ...perhaps if we clarified the purpose of this meeting?

**President Shinra:**  Excellent idea, Tseng. Do so.

**Tseng:**  … I… wasn't aware that would actually be necessary.

**Scarlet:**  Just how many of these meetings have you attended before now? You should know better.

**Tseng:**  Ah. Sephiroth, having been sent away on a mission for reasons well familiar with this group -

**Minow:**  Not to me?

**Tseng:**  - has decided that he is done with it and has subsequently decided to return to Midgar post-haste without notice. He is not currently here  _yet_  but it is only a matter of time and necessitated this emergency meeting.

**Scarlet:** At ridiculous o'clock.

**Heidegger:** Sephiroth has no concept of timezones or sleeping schedules.

**Scarlet:**  And how you complain about that. All the time.

**Minow:**  I'd like to be excused?

**President Shinra:**  Denied. Whoever you are.

**Minow:**  I am not the official representative of the Security Department, I really have no--

**President Shinra:**  Denied. Heidegger, any suggestions as to what to do about this?

**Heidegger:**  About?

**President Shinra:**   _Sephiroth_.

**Heidegger:**  We… throw the boy at him and run?

**Scarlet:**  Where is the boy?

**Brymer:**  For the record…

**Scarlet:**  Yes, yes, for the record 'boy' is 'Cloud Strife'… is he still under your purview, Heidegger, as part of Public Safety Management?

**Heidegger:**  Security Department technically.

**Minow:**  I'm really not qualified--

**Heidegger:**  Shut up and take your temporary 'promotion' like a man.

**Scarlet:** He is taking it like a man – whining and complaining.

**Minow:**  This was never in my job description.

**Heidegger:**  Your job description just got expanded. You knew the odds when you drew the straws!

**Minow:**  I wasn't even there!

**Heidegger:**  I  _was_  surprised by how fast I got a name to act as representative this time!

**Minow:**  (inarticulate groan)

**President Shinra:**  Focus. And no, we are not "throwing the boy" at him. We need something to keep in reserve.

**Tseng:**  Strife is currently in medical, if anyone was still wondering.

**Heidegger:**  Fuck!

**Scarlet:**  You imbecile, why would you let that happen?!

**Minow:**  We're dead!

**President Shinra:**  He's not injured, is he?

**Tseng:**  ...none of you read my reports, I see. No, Strife is uninjured. He has comrades currently undergoing curative sessions while awaiting dishonourable discharge.

**Heidegger:**  No, no discharges. Keep 'em, we gotta keep the boy in line, friends are always good for that.

**Minow:**  ...(Oh God, what am I doing here?)...

**Tseng:**  I wouldn't say they were friends exactly –

**Scarlet:**  Heidegger's right.

**Heidegger:**  Gyahaha I always knew I'd get you to say that one day! ...Right about what?

**Scarlet:**  Put a reprimand on their permanent records, make sure they're tagged, but you never know when 'friends' might prove useful.

**President Shinra:**  Actually, there's an idea. You, go fetch the boy.

**Minow:**  Me? I mean, yes, of course Mr President!

[Noted: Minow leaving meeting room.]

**Heidegger:**  Nervous man, that one. Don't think I'll be using him as representative for Security in any meetings again.

**Tseng:**  A tragedy to him, I'm sure. President, why are you requesting Strife's presence? I –

[entrance of Reeve Tuesti of Urban Development, followed by two Turks showing signs of recent Cure fatigue]

**Tuesti:**  Tseng, heard you were here, I've found two of yours-- oh. ...I see someone neglected to update my planner. Again.

**Tseng:**  Excuse me.

[Noted: Tseng and two Turks leaving meeting room.]

**Tuesti:**  Well. Would someone like to tell me what this is about?

**President Shinra:**  Hmph. You might as well take a chair, Reeve.

**Scarlet:**  What is it ever about these days? Sephiroth.

**Tuesti:**  And nobody thought to inform me?

**Heidegger:**  Didn't think it was relevant to you, Reeve.

**Tuesti:**  Urban Development is responsible for the day to day affairs of Midgar, how is Sephiroth throwing temper tantrums  _not_  relevant to me?!

**Scarlet:**  Oh, calm down, Reeve. We simply didn't think you'd have anything to offer as far as contingencies go.

**Tuesti:**  ...Sephiroth is back in Midgar by the way.

[Assorted screaming and yelling]

**Tuesti:**  Of course, maybe this news isn't relevant to you.

**President Shinra:**  When he did get back into the city? Why weren't we informed? Heidegger, I thought we had guards on the city gates?

**Heidegger:**  We do!

**Scarlet:**  I told you we should have put Guard Scorpions!

**Tuesti:**  They can't tell the difference between tourists and enemies!

**Scarlet:**  Anyone entering Midgar via the slums deserves what they get, let's be honest.

**Tuesti:**  They wouldn't last two minutes anyway!

**President Shinra:**  Enough! Reeve, I want everything you know, now!

**Tuesti:**  Sephiroth was spotted at the Sector 5 slum gate an hour ago.

**Heiddeger:**  Nyagh.

**Tuesti:**  He is currently, if the reports given by the MP with him are accurate – and who knows, because the poor man might have been killed already – in the Wall Market.

**President Shinra:**  ...the. The Wall Market?

**Scarlet:**  ...tell me more.

**President Shinra:**  Is he... distracted?

**Tuesti:**  ...I shall pretend I know what you mean by that.

**Scarlet:**  Your pretence of innocence is getting old, Reeve. God, to think you could say you designed this city!

**Tuesti:**  He is… uh, occupied. Or was? So the MP said.

**Heidegger:**  Occupied how?

**Scarlet:**  [on her phone] Marisa, darling! The time has come to raid the honey pot and I need it done now! You know – of course you do. So is – Yes! Oh. Oh, that is disappointing. Tch. Never mind, send the cam files anyway, I could use a laugh. -- I'm sorry, what were we discussing?

**President Shinra:** You have cameras in the whorehouses?

**Scarlet:** You don't?

**Heidegger:** Who goes beneath the pizza for that? Buncha disease-ridden vermin down there...

**Tuesti:**  Ahem! Sephiroth is in the city. He will not be preoccupied with whatever he is doing in Sector 5 for long.

**President Shinra:**  Now, now, let's not underestimate the girls…

**Tuesti:**  What?

**President Shinra:**  What?

**Scarlet:**  He's not there for the Honey Bees, sir.

**Tuesti:**  What?

**President Shinra:**  (coughing) Where is that boy?

**Tuesti:**  What do honeybees have to do with anything?!

**Heidegger:**  Here's my plan – we handcuff the boy, put a bow on his head, and yell happy birthday when Sephiroth comes in.

**President Shinra:**  ...

**Tuesti:**  ...

**Scarlet:**  ...does Sephiroth even have a birthday?

**President Shinra:**  There might be a date in Hojo's files, who knows?

**Tuesti:**  That's a human being you're talking about!

**President Shinra:**  Reeve, how long have you been working for this company? Stop pretending you know anything about morality other than how to spell it.

**Tuesti:**  We can't just… just… throw a teenage boy at Sephiroth!

**Scarlet:**  He's right.

**Tuesti:**  Thank you, Scarlet.

**Scarlet:**  Once the sex is over Sephiroth is still going to remember we sent him away. Or just that he has been subjected to Hojo for years at company command. We need something longer term to placate him. The boy should be used more as a stop-gap measure for an even more serious mistake. Like an attempted assassination. That way even if he turns out to be terrible the extended anticipation should ramp everything up enough to bliss Sephiroth out into forgetting _anything!_

**Tuesti:**  …

**Scarlet:**  Not that we should try to assassinate Sephiroth. That would be waste of gil. And manpower. As we've already discussed.

**President Shinra:**  Where is Hojo? He might have an explanation for Sephiroth's behaviour, he's been studying him long enough.

**Brymer:** ...(I thought he was still in a full body cast?)...

**Heidegger:** You know how Hojo is, sir.

**Scarlet:** Please, don't remind me. Eurgh, does he have to do his crossbreeding in the Tower? ...oh. Well there's a thought...

**Tuesti:** Please don't.

**Scarlet:** Too late!

**Tuesti:**  Has anyone actually asked this young man what  _he_  feels about this?

**President Shinra:**  Why would we do that?

**Tuesti:**  What do we even have sexual harassment seminars for if not to address this?!

**President Shinra:**  Reeve, you're a genius!

**Tuesti:**  ...I am?

**President Shinra:**  The annual sexual harassment seminar!

**Heidegger:**  No. Not again.

**Scarlet:**  You can't be serious.

**President Shinra:**  Sephiroth has to be punished for returning to Midgar without orders –

**Tuesti:**  Well good luck with that.

**President Shinra:**  And it needs to be seen that we are addressing his… thing with the boy.

**Scarlet:**  Why?

**President Shinra:**  We send him to the seminar. We might even get lucky and he drops this whole ridiculous thing.

**Tuesti:**  Are you serious?

**Scarlet:**  I will be in Gongaga for the seminar.

**President Shinra:**  The date hasn't even been arranged yet, Scarlet.

**Scarlet:**  I will be in Gongaga. The reactor needs maintenance.

**President Shinra:**  You don't do reactor maintenance. And everyone will be attending. Everyone! We can't let Sephiroth know we're insisting on mandatory attendance just for him.

**Tuesti:**  I. I need a drink.

[entrance of Minow and Strife]

**Minow:**  Sirs! Strife present and accounted for.

**Strife:**  ...hello.

**President Shinra:**  Hmph.

**Scarlet:**  Well! Hello.

**Strife:**  ...

**Scarlet:**  Oh, don't move away, let us have a good look at you.

**Heidegger:**  Stop twitching, boy! Stand straight! Pah, didn't the army beat anything into you?

**Strife:**  ...Re-- what is going on?

**Scarlet:**  Kyhaha!

**Heidegger:**  Gyhahaha!

**Tuesti:**  Sephiroth is in Midgar.

**Strife:**  Oh.

**Tuesti:**  You can curl up in that corner over there, if you like. Nobody will blame you.

**President Shinra:**  Reeve.

**Tuesti:**  I wouldn't blame you.

**President Shinra:**  Enough of that. So -

**Brymer:**  ...(Strife, sir)...

**President Shinra:**  Strife! First time you've ever been around such important people, eh?

**Strife:**  ...ngh.

**President Shinra:**  Understandable you're a little out of sorts! Now, you know why you're here?

**Strife:**  No.

**President Shinra:**  Well that's a pity. Boy, Sephiroth is back in Midgar. I think you know why this might be a problem for some people in this room.

**Strife:** I don't know about you but I can fight him and he doesn't really want to kill me right now, so I'm not that worried.

**Heidegger:** He didn't learn that arrogance in my army, I tell you.

**President Shinra:** Heidegger...

**Heidegger:** Beat it right out of 'em.

**President Shinra:**  Heidegger...

**Heidegger:** Gya, ShinRa's army, I mean.

**President Shinra:** Better. Now--

[entrance of Tseng, looking severely disgruntled, followed by Sephiroth, looking very amused]

**Tseng:**  Sephiroth, sirs, Scarlet.

**President Shinra:**  Ghkg! Sephiroth! My boy!

**Sephiroth:**  Your what? Hello, Cloud.

**Strife:**  ...Sephiroth.

**Scarlet:**  Is it a little too warm in here? Reeve, open a window, would you?

**Tuesti:**  The smog will kill us.

**Scarlet:**  We're at least thirty floors above the worst of it.

**Minow:** psst ...(don't do it, sir)...

**Tuesti:**  I wasn't planning to.

**Sephiroth:**  Did you miss me?

**Cloud:**  Like a hole in my chest.

**Sephiroth:**  Oh? I've missed that too.

**President Shinra:**  Sephiroth! Welcome back!

**Sephiroth:**  I heard some interesting rumours while I was gone, Cloud.

**Strife:**  Did you.

**President Shinra:**  We're delighted to see you, of course!

**Sephiroth:**  Mm. Would you like to know what I heard?

**Strife:**  No.

**Sephiroth:**  Pity. Well, let it be a surprise then.

**Strife:**  ...I don't want to know.

**Sephiroth:**  You will anyway.

**President Shinra:**  Ahem. Can we all focus?

**Sephiroth:**  I am focused.

**Strife:**  Pay attention to your boss, Sephiroth.

**Sephiroth:**  Oh, Cloud. You want to go down that road?

**Strife:**  ...

**President Shinra:**  Sephiroth, we're pleased to see you returned safely from your mission. However, the lack of notification through official channels does require some censure.

**Sephiroth:**  Does it?

**President Shinra:**  Your timing however is impeccable! We've just finished finalising the arrangements for the next annual sexual harassment seminar!

**Strife:**  [simultaneous with Sephiroth] The what?

**Sephiroth:**  [simultaneous with Strife] The what?

**Tseng:** No.

**Minow:**  ...(Oh God. Rita, what the fuck is this now?)...

**Brymer:**  ...(The best entertainment I've had in ShinRa since… Strife's attempted escape actually. I hope this continues)...

**Minow:**  ...(Are you there, God? It's me, Caj. I'd like to go back to collecting incident reports now. My lesson is learned)...

**Scarlet:**  The sexual harassment seminar! Claims cost money!

**Heidegger:**  Not necessarily!

**President Shinra:**  Attendance will be mandatory this year.

**Sephiroth:**  ...

**Strife:**  [laughter]

**Sephiroth:**  ...

**Strife:**  [laughter] ...your face...!

**President Shinra:**  Sephiroth? Your attendance is mandatory, am I clear?

**Sephiroth:**  What? Yes...

**President Shinra:**  You'll attend?

**Sephiroth:**  Stop laughing, Cloud-- what were you saying, President?

**President Shinra:**  Agreed! Excellent! Meeting adjourned!

**Heidegger:**  Scatter!

[Noted: Heidegger hitting the doorway in his haste to leave, bouncing back to his feet, and running out]

**Sephiroth:**  What?

**Heidegger** : [popping his head back in the meeting room] Minow, you're fired as Security Department representative.

**Minow:** Oh thank God.

**Scarlet:**  Well this is going to be a revelation. Kyahaha!

[Noted: Scarlet exiting the meeting room]

**Strife:**  ...face...

**Minow:**  ...(Up we get, come on, Strife, quick, before Sephiroth realises)...

**Sephiroth:**  ...?

**Brymer:**  (Go, go, go!) Sephiroth, sir! You look like you could use a cup of tea. Sit, sit, let everyone file out while I pour this…


	15. SOLDIER

**From:** **Shinra – Midgar Board**  
**To:** **Shinra – AllMidgarStaffUsers**  
**Date:** 18 August, 09:00:05 MST  
**Subject:** Annual Sexual Harassment Seminar Refresher  
! This message was sent with High Importance !

Hi All,

It's that time of the year again – the annual refresher seminar.

For those who have never been to the refresher before, this seminar thoroughly addresses the elements of how to prevent unacceptable behaviour. It includes a detailed overview of what sexual harassment is, explains the legal definitions, discusses prevention, and shows how to handle sexual harassment complaints and maintain a positive work environment.

It is a little late this year which may have confused some of you but it appears we cannot coast by with the sexual harassment seminar at the beginning of January alone.

Attendance is mandatory – _all_ Midgar staff are to be there. There will be no exceptions. All Midgar-based SOLDIERs on missions elsewhere will be recalled to attend regardless of circumstances.

Non-SOLDIERs, if you are ill, you will need a verified doctor's exemption note.

Exact time and date will be declared closer to the event. We are sure you understand.

Thank you.

_This communication is intended for internal ShinRa Inc use only. Please do not share or forward this communication to individuals outside of the Company._

* * *

**From:** Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**To:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August, 09:20:13  
**Subject:**  Fwd – Annual Sexual Harassment Seminar Refresher

Please allow me to translate.

After testimony by individuals alleging widespread sexual misconduct throughout Midgar's ranks and implicating one high-ranking member in particular, ShinRa's board has announced that all ShinRa members in Midgar will undergo new sexual harassment training to create a safe work environment and plausible deniability.

This extensive refresher course is designed to promote a safe work environment where ~~secretaries~~ women and ~~pretty~~ men feel protected, and ensure their hands are clean when employees are inevitably accused of sexual assault ~~again~~.

The mandatory refresher course will teach how to recognise sexual harassment and provide the tools needed to brush off claims against individual employees. It is a long overdue step in covering their asses and once everyone has completed the course they will be able to confidently claim they've done their basic due diligence as new allegations surface.

It is of course mandatory as it has never been so strictly enforced before so Certain High-Ranking Individuals (who will not be named or even vaguely alluded to) cannot ignore it.

> \------Forwarded Message------  
>  From: **Shinra – Midgar Board**  
>  Date: 18 August at 09:00  
>  Subject: Annual Sexual Harassment Seminar Refresher  
>  To: **AllMidgarStaffUsers**
> 
> Hi All,
> 
> It's that time of the year again – the annual refresher seminar.
> 
> For those who have never been to the refresher before, this seminar thoroughly addresses the elements of how to prevent unacceptable behaviour. It includes a detailed overview of what sexual harassment is, explains the legal definitions, discusses prevention, and shows how to handle sexual harassment complaints and maintain a positive work environment.
> 
> It is a little late this year which may have confused some of you but it appears we cannot coast by with the sexual harassment seminar at the beginning of January alone.
> 
> Attendance is mandatory – _all_ Midgar staff are to be there. There will be no exceptions. All Midgar-based SOLDIERs on missions elsewhere will be recalled to attend regardless of circumstances.
> 
> Non-SOLDIERs, if you are ill, you will need a verified doctor's exemption note.
> 
> Exact time and date will be declared closer to the event. We are sure you understand.
> 
> Thank you.

* * *

**From:** Sam Idoni [sami@shinra.org]  
**To:** **Shinra – SOLDIER1** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August, 09:35:23 -0100  
**Subject:** Re: Fwd – Annual Sexual Harassment Seminar Refresher

Sucks to be you, Midgar mirelings!

Who was it this time? Gyahaha or Kyahaha?

* * *

**From:** Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**To:** Sam Idoni [sami@shinra.org]  
**Cc:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 09:40:57 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Fwd: Annual Sexual Harassment Seminar Refresher

You'll never guess so I'll spare you – Sephiroth.

You can understand why it might be wiser not to cc the SOLDIER Firsts...

* * *

**From:** Karl Rana [krana@shinra.org]  
**To:** Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**Cc:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 09:42:34 -0300  
**Subject:** Sephiroth?!

no. freaking. way.

I mean WHAT?!

we are talking about the same guy right?! actual Sephiroth Sephiroth? are you sure whoever didn't run into a lookalike?

(are you sure about not including SOLDIER1? they might have more info...)

* * *

**From:** Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**To:** Karl Rana [krana@shinra.org]  
**Cc:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 09:50:57 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

More gossip you mean. And there is no mistaking Sephiroth in person. Doesn't matter how good the wig is or how hard they hit the gym.

Sorry, I forget you out of towners might not be up on the news. Even really big news involving Sephiroth. Haven't you heard about his new hobby?

* * *

**From:** Jace Rex [jrex@shinra.org]  
**To:** Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**Cc:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 09:52:33 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

Hobby? Oh, I heard he was suddenly into cloudwatching or something? That sounds really innocuous for someone like him...

* * *

**From:** Leo Edge [ledge@shinra.org]  
**To:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 09:53:11 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

> I heard he was suddenly into cloudwatching or something? That sounds really innocuous for someone like him…

Nobody tell him.

* * *

**From:** Vin Strand [vstrand@shinra.org]  
**To:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 09:55:45 -0500  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

Yeah, yeah, make fun of us poor idiots stuck in the middle of nowhere. I'm currently still shipped out (and I can use the word literally! correctly!) and they insist on telegraphy for official communication! This company, man.

The big Sephiroth news – does this have anything to do with his unexpected out-city mission that I did not hear anything about via channels I will not mention?

* * *

**From:** William Logan [wlogan@shinra.org]  
**To:** Vin Strand [vstrand@shinra.org]  
**Cc:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 10:26:43 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

Hoo boy. Yes is your short answer. Everyone Midgar-based I apologise for the repeat of things everyone already knows. Feel free to chip in and elaborate if you have any more clarifying information.

Oh boy oh boy, where to begin!

Everyone who bet heterosexual, asexual or Masamune for Sephiroth's sexuality – you have all lost. Everyone who bet homosexual, bisexual or battle – you are still in the running. We probably won't ever get a clearer answer than that anyway – unless one of you is just itching to ask clarification for the sake of the bet?

Here is how we can eliminate a bunch of those though:

[Image: CloudStrife.jpg]

Took a good look guys (because Sephiroth will take offense if you do it in person). That right there is Cloud Strife. Isn't he lovely? Don't ask his age and definitely don't ask if he considers himself single because Sephiroth does not care and will slice you into artful pieces because he is one step away from pet-his-hair-and-call-him-precious obsessed with the kid.

(Yes he's been checked for status effects. He's been hit with more tranqs, remedies and esuna spells than anyone not used to wearing padded jackets.)

Strife's not just pretty – sorry all of you already planning on hair dye and contacts but I don't think that's his main attraction for Sephiroth anyway – he is asdkfjsedk good with a sword. I am totally serious. I know it's hard to believe but that kid can go toe to toe with Sephiroth and make him sweat.

...in more than one sense. (I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just had to.)

Basically Sephiroth took a look at this guy one day and went _I am filled with unfathomable WANT_ and that is our new situation normal.

I'm not judging, just saying.

Here's the thing though – Sephiroth. We all know he has problems with social interaction. Even the newest of you 3rds must have got that by now. I say problems. I mean he used to have problems and now he has disasters. And Strife just. Does. Not. Give a shit that it's Sephiroth panting after him.

It goes like this:

Attempt 1 at interaction: Strife walks into the trooper's cafeteria. Sephiroth walks in ten seconds later and accidentally? goads Strife into a fight.

End result: entire cafeteria out of action, dozens of bystanders taken out – mostly by Sleep spells but plenty of flying debris for the rest – Sephiroth practically shaking with excitement to have found someone who can give him a good workout. Pun not intended.

Attempt 2: Strife tries to quit because he is a sensible boy and knows he should remove himself from a dicey situation but not a very smart boy if he doesn't know Sephiroth will see that as a challenge. Sephiroth uses previously unsuspected telepathy or something to find out and literally throws him over his shoulder and walks off to… hopefully not his bedroom but Strife is mad as hell anyway.

End result: Materia Theory classes cancelled, several bystanders injured, a Strife shaped hole in more than one wall and Sephiroth is hit with enough sleep spells to take down a behemoth – or make him slightly doped – before he keels over.

There's an emergency meeting among the board and Sephiroth is hastily shipped off to deal with some rogue vlakorados or something ridiculous like that.

And then Sephiroth turns back up in Midgar out of nowhere. Pretty sure he broke several laws of physics to do it because I got no clue how he made it to Midgar from an entirely different continent in, like, a day. There is confusion and panic and the Prez tries very hard to put his foot down and tell Sephiroth he is in control by ordering him to attend the annual common sense seminar.

I don't know why he's not dead but yeah. The refresher this year is because Sephiroth needs a cluebat.

Who's up for risking their livelihood and filming it?

* * *

**From:** Theo Preston [tpreston@shinra.org]  
**To:** William Logan [wlogan@shinra.org]  
**Cc:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 10:37:31 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

> I don't know why he's not dead,

I have it on very good authority (my lovely lady Rita~) that he was about ten seconds away from being just that but then Strife laughed. Just full on helpless laughter at the expression on Sephiroth's face. Sephiroth didn't hear a word the Big Man actually said after that, bet you anything.

And that's how he's still alive and probably really thinks he can order Sephiroth to do things he doesn't care to do.

Anyway.

> Feel free to chip in and elaborate if you have any more clarifying information.

Missed several attempts and non-attempts there, Billy.

Attempts 1.1-9: Strife adamantly refused any sort of medical for the aftermath of the cafeteria thing – turned out he didn't need it anyway, because mako – and was very reluctantly allowed to resume his normal duties, despite him very clearly being confused about what those duties are (1 point to 'suspicious science department shenanigans' as potential source!) and Sephiroth followed him. With his eyes, mostly, but then… attempt 1.9.

Strife was given a nice easy job to accommodate his new problems – ahaha, can't keep a straight face just typing that. Strife was given a nice easy job guarding Floor 60 so the Board could flail around deciding what the hell to do with him – because he'd point blank walk out the door if they put him near the ground, I think, and bonus keeping the riff-raff away, good job, Board, don't think everyone didn't see what you're doing. Ten minutes in and Sephiroth 'casually' stopped by. As you do on Floor 60, nothing but guards and cards.

Wasn't there personally so I got to take my source (not my beloved Rita)'s word for it, but apparently he said something to Strife and Strife either panicked or went nova, not sure the difference except maybe scale. No damage done only because Strife's fellow guards managed to throw themselves on him and hold him back – I'm assuming he let them, he seems conscientious as a new SOLDIER about fragile normies.

Sephiroth looked disappointed and told Strife he'd catch up later.

Strife's buddies managed to keep that incident real quiet, considering, I'm not surprised you didn't hear about it. Anyway – that was Strife's final impetus to shake off his post-'suspicious science department shenanigans' haze and just quit. Well, try to quit, to be more accurate.

There were a few minor incidents between trying to quit and Sephiroth being hastily shipped off to cool down, but none of them left any major damage so they're barely worth mentioning.

Further info: it's only a rumour, but I heard Sephiroth has been called to the science department. Or am I mixing it up and the science department already tried calling him in?

Yeah.

That'll go well.

I have no details myself – Turks come down _hard_ on even a sniff of that one – one of you 3rds want to dish?

* * *

**From:** Ceri Halle [c.halle@shinra.org]  
**To:** Theo Preston [tpreston@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 18 August 10:38:07 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

> one of you 3rds want to dish?

That's more than our lives are worth, you absolute cokatolis.

* * *

**From:** Yan Lowe [yanlowe@shinra.org]  
**To:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 10:39:09 +0400  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

> because mako

wait, what? when was this? nobody mentioned mako! is strife a SOLDIER now? what class? is he already in the group mailing lists? you guys suck at gossip.

* * *

**From:** Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**To:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 10:42:12 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

> wait, what? when was this? nobody mentioned mako! is strife a SOLDIER now? what class? is he already in the group mailing lists?

1) from the beginning of this mess, i.e., the cafeteria incident. 2) I feel like Logan heavily implied its presence with the info that Strife can fight Sephiroth and live. 3) No. 4) None. 5) No. Because he is not a SOLDIER.

And before you all suddenly panic trying to remember if Sephiroth is included in the SOLDIER1 mailing list and you've accidentally cc'd him – he is not. It quickly became evident that it was best he be removed – it's not as if he needs the frequent reminder emails to wear proper uniform or return specially assigned weaponry after a mission.

* * *

**From:** Karl Rana [krana@shinra.org]  
**To:** Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**Cc:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 10:44:19 -0300  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

well that's a freaking relief.

I think I speak for everyone though when I say WHAT THE FUCK??!!!

has Midgar's water finally gone past acceptable contamination levels or something?! what is going on?! and how could you (generic you, not _you_ you, Rui) not keep us all in the loop! I know comms are dicey in places – specially out here – but still. for shame! shaaaaame!

damn the kid's cute and all but I am not getting this. do I need to see him in motion or something?

* * *

**From:** William Logan [wlogan@shinra.org]  
**To:** Karl Rana [krana@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 18 August 10:45:43 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

Buddy. Pal. My Dude. Do yourself a favour and take a Hardedge to your balls. It'll save time if Sephiroth ever finds out you suggested needing to see Cloud Strife "in motion" to appreciate his charms.

* * *

**From:** Karl Rana [krana@shinra.org]  
**To:** William Logan [wlogan@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 18 August 10:47:19 -0300  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

what the fuck I didn't mean it like that! I'm not into jailbait of any kind!

* * *

**From:** William Logan [wlogan@shinra.org]  
**To:** Karl Rana [krana@shinra.org]  
**Cc:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 10:49:22 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

I guess you can't get it if you haven't seen it. Or the aftermath. Sephiroth might not actually know he wants to hit that with his dick instead of his fist but he will be very very very annoyed if someone else tries.

Like. Murder annoyed. Just so we're clear. He will straight up murder you. I'm not joking.

* * *

**From:** Theo Preston [tpreston@shinra.org]  
**To:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 10:54:35 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

He's not joking. Forget the old days, it's a new world order and Sephiroth doesn't care anymore, he just does what he wants. I get the serious feeling he's only sticking around because a. he likes Strife in uniform and b. he likes being able to order Strife about in uniform. He has negative shits to give about anything else.

I mean, fair. If I was him I'd have stopped caring about what ShinRa wants after Wutai too.

* * *

**From:**  Haru Wilkes [hwilkes@shinra.org]  
**To:** **Shinra – SOLDIER1** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 10:55:51 MST  
**Subject:** Re: Sephiroth?!

Ohmy fucjing _god_  is thsi his midlife crisis?

* * *

**From:**  Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**To:** Haru Wilkes [hwilkes@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 18 August 10:57:12 MST  
**Subject:**  Re: Sephiroth?!

Should you be up? And accessing emails? Aren't you still in the Med Wing?

* * *

**From:**  Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**To:**  Anna Golnar [annagolnar@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 18 August 10:58:44 MST  
**Subject:**  Patient 3rd Class Wilkes

I'm very sorry to bother you, Anna, but have you checked Wilkes for communication devices? I'm well aware that he is not fit for duty yet and should not be attempting anything more strenuous than resting. I am concerned that he may be disregarding your sensible orders.

* * *

**From:**  Haru Wilkes [hwilkes@shinra.org]  
**To:**  Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 18 August 11:03:51 MST  
**Subject:**  u rat basrtd

 

* * *

**From:** Myranda Pages [m.pages@shinra.org]  
****To:**  ** **Midgar - Secretarial** ; **Shinra** **\- SOLDIER1** ; ****Shinra – SOLDIER2**** ; ****Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
** **Date:**  18 August 11:30:11 MST **  
**Subject:****  Your Daily Dose of What The Fuck Just Happened (SOLDIER Bulletin)

Darlings, if you want gossip, the secretarial department has your back.

**1\. Sephiroth breaks the laws of physics to return to Midgar** , terrifying the ShinRa board and anyone with the sense God gave a Kimara Bug. Despite being sent to the remotest possible location still within tight ShinRa control, Sephiroth laughs at your feeble understanding of space-time, refraining from disappearing and reappearing in Midgar instantly presumably only to satisfy his occasional urge to kill large monsters and taste the rising fear of high level ShinRa executives in the air.

**2\. Speaking of fear levels in the air, President Shinra** calls an emergency meeting with the ShinRa board, somehow reaching the conclusion that the way to deal with Sephiroth is tell him to attend a meeting he almost certainly won't attend. Quite coincidentally, the annual sexual harassment refresher seminar you thought you'd avoided for one single shining year has finally been announced as happening again "soon".

**3\. There are rumours of Sephiroth visiting the Honey Bee Inn** before heading up to greet the Board, although there is some doubt to the veracity of such claims given the Honey Bee Inn primarily caters to... a less likely to wear leather crowd, and certainly doesn't have Cloud Strife on their payroll. For those of you unaware of the Honey Bee Inn... that's adorable, however have you lasted in Midgar? A hint: the honey you get is of negotiable price.

If rumour is to be believed (and why not, everything's more entertaining with a little rumour in your life) he apparently didn't "purchase" anything but still managed to leave with "a pair of briefs, the good quality souvenir ones with the classier logo". We'll leave the why to your imaginations. Top gil will be paid if you can get pictures though.

**4\. Sephiroth and Cloud Strife manage to be in the same room**  without any structural damage occurring whatsoever! A shock, we know. The tension between them could have choked Whole Eater but no swords (of any type, ahem) were drawn. Their restraint is appreciated, even if the lack of fleeing, screaming executives is not.

**5\. Professor Hojo mysteriously breaks all four limbs in multiple places (again)**. How does that keep happening? There's a petition to review his laboratory safety procedures, for all the good that will do. His department is well stocked with Restore materia though, we're sure he'll be fine. Send your well wishes to Floor 68 because he certainly can't leave it without great difficulty any more!

**6\. Over in Junon Rufus Shinra** has reportedly become very interested in music, repeatedly speaking with a composer quite famed for their bombastic compositions for parades and such public spectacles. Do we hope for a big celebration for... well, no big anniversaries are coming to mind, but we're sure we're just being absent-minded.

**7\. Oh yes, and tomorrow may or may not be Cloud Strife's birthday** , if you can trust small town record keeping. There's quite a difference between being born on the 11th and the 19th though! (According to Marte, who fled small town life as soon as possible, it may be that his mother waited a week or so after his birth to announce his arrival just to be sure he would live, because that's the kind of infant mortality you can expect in a mountain town in the middle of nowhere. The more you know!)

Please write your (safe for work) speculations on Sephiroth's idea of birthday presents on a postcard and put it in the box at the main desk.

* * *

**From:** Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**To:** **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 11:35:57 MST  
**Subject:** Zack Fair  
! This message was sent with High Importance !

Will be back from his mission in approx 3 hours. Someone better get the Daily Dose out of his inbox, who knows how he'll react...

* * *

**From:** Yan Lowe [yanlowe@shinra.org]  
**To:**  Rui Vayas [ruivayas@shinra.org]  
**Date:** 18 August 11:38:07 +0400  
**Subject:** Re: Zack Fair

Zack, how'd we forget Zack??

* * *

**From:** Zack Fair [zackfair@shinra.org]  
**To:** **Shinra – SOLDIER1** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER2** ; **Shinra – SOLDIER3**  
**Date:** 18 August 15:45:22 MST  
**Subject:** I'm back!!

Did you miss me? Kidding, I know you did. :P I definitely missed you guys! Blackout missions _suck_.

Anything interesting happen while I was gone?


	16. FILE 15326-19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so All Things Descend Into Hell. :)

 

**Material from General Investigative Affairs (GIA/Turks)**

FILE 15326-19

THE INFORMATION CONTAINED HEREIN IS PROTECTED UNDER THE SHIN-RA SECURITY INFORMATION LEGISLATION AMENDMENT ACT. ONLY INFORMATION RELEVANT TO THE CURRENT CRISIS IS PROVIDED.

 

ITEM 4.  
_Transcript of verbal account of events of 19 August as reported to senior officer Aelia by MP Harper, at request of GIA under Tseng. Partial. Recorded 20 August_

This is crap.

You're right, I'm sorry. This bullshit. I qu--

No, sir. You're right, sir. So... this is about Sephiroth and Zack, right? I mean, SOLDIERs First Class Sephiroth and Fair?

Whatever is easier, right, okay. I don't – I'm not sure where to begin...

Gods below, who is when they get called up for one of these, huh? Not that I have any opinion about these… incidents. Or am implying they are anything other than isolated events?

Uh. Sorry, sir. I think – okay. When Zack came back from his blackout mission – it's pretty much common knowledge? Because Zack is really, uh, gregarious so when you don't hear anything about or from him for weeks it's, uh, really obvious he's on blackout? I'm just saying.

Zack came back from his blackout mission two days ago, the eighteenth, and he obviously spent his first half-day back writing his report and catching up on sleep – I mean, I assume... That's just what always happens after a long mission, that I've observed.

Yes, sir, I am well aware of the saying. Sir.

So Zack went to, to give his report the morning of the nineteenth and he was hanging at the main desk on the first floor, chatting with the secretaries – because that's the best way to get info right after getting back? Zack makes it look like nothing more than passing time while waiting but it really is. He was chatting at the main desk with, uh, damn, what's her name, um, I wanna say begins with 'M'… Mara? Marte? Myranda?

Anyway, he was talking with the secretaries, looking cheerful and relaxed – I'd say his blackout mission couldn't have been that bad but Zack is really good at looking like nothing bothers him. You think nobody's noticed? Like… sir, do _you_ think Zack is an idiot?

...he's a First Class. He might pretend but it's pretty obvious he's not stupid if you think about it. Not – not that I have an opinion on the matter – or, um, Zack – I don't, I don't have an opinion on First Class Fair…

Uh. Za – First Class Fair was talking with the secretaries and I don't know how long he's been gone but he was drinking up everything they said, nodding along and occasionally prompting more info and just generally catching up and then he – uh, he froze a bit at something Mmmmarte! Marte said. He stood there blinking a bit and then said – and this was loud enough I could hear it from where I was standing near the elevators – " _SEPHIROTH_ HAS A CRUSH?!"

He said something else after that, not as loud, I couldn't hear, but Marte was nodding and I think she was smiling – I think everybody around was smiling, the sort of 'this gonna be good' smile of anticipation, if you know what I mean. Zack was looking like his birthday had come early, I think he was planning on teasing Sephiroth forever – better him than me – and then – and then Marte told him who Sephiroth was… a crush is the accepted paradigm now, right? Told him who Sephiroth was crushing on.

I didn't know Zack knew Strife. Cloud? I didn't know they knew each other. I don't think Marte knew they knew each other either.

Zack stilled for a moment and said something – I could see his face, but I can't really… I'm not that good at reading lips but I think... he said each word slowly and carefully so I'm pretty sure he said "Sephiroth has a crush on Cloud?"

It looked like he said "Cloud" again, for emphasis or clarification. I think he might have actually said "My Cloud?" as if there was some other Cloud out there to confuse him with but I don't like to be definitive about it because – does Sephiroth read these reports? I know he has access but does he read them?

Are you sure?

The secretaries at the desk were nodding and I don't think they saw any problem with it. Because, because it's been weeks now that Sephiroth has been... weird. And I think we all thought everybody knew. There's the Dose and everything and –

The Dose is… is… an informational bulletin. Anyway, I think we thought Zack knew. Because everybody knows, you know?

Except that Zack clearly didn't know and he asked Marte something – I think, I think it was something like "How did Sephiroth meet my friend, I didn't introduce them yet", something like that, and he looked confused and frustrated and then – and then – well.

Sephiroth walked out of the elevator.

I've always thought it a little weird, you know, how a lot of the SOLDIERs can kind of, sort of, sense him? Maybe it isn't obvious, but you watch, and eight times out of ten you'll see a SOLDIER straighten up a few seconds before they even see him, or they'll start turning to face him just before he enters the room. I just think it's interesting, is all.

Zack was still staring at Marte at the main desk, looking like he was mouthing something to himself – I think "what the" something, something querying anyway – but you could see a sudden tension in his back, like he was trying not to shudder at a cold wind.

Sephiroth paused and just stared at Zack for a moment. There was this faint crease between his eyebrows when he looked at him like he was trying to remember something. It didn't stop him for long, he started walking again and Zack turned smartly at the sound of his boots like he just realised Sephiroth was heading his way.

They met in the middle of the floor – close enough for me to hear and wish I was, you know, doing Reactor Guard duty instead.

 

ITEM 4A.  
_Transcription of overheard conversation between First Class SOLDIER Zack Fair and First Class SOLDIER Sephiroth, 19 August 10:02AM_

Zack: Hey, Sephiroth.

Sephiroth: Zack. I trust your mission was successful?

Zack: Sure, sure, it went great – hey, what's this I hear about Cloud?

Sephiroth: ...Cloud?

Zack: Yeah, Sephiroth, Cloud. Pretty sure you've seen him before – big blue eyes, spiky blond hair, very easy to spot in a crowd without his helmet...

Sephiroth: Hm. I was unaware you had met at this point.

Zack: What the – that makes no sense – my friend, Sephiroth. What's this I hear about you and my friend?

Sephiroth: Your _friend_.

Zack: ...what's that look?

Sephiroth: …

Zack: You gonna answer me?

Sephiroth: No.

Zack: Hey! Don't you walk away from me – !

 

ITEM 4 (CONTINUED).  
_Transcription of verbal report by Harper_

Zack grabbed at Sephiroth's arm and this is when Aingeru – my guard buddy – made a strategic exit. Pretty sure the soles of his boots must have been smoking he made it out of there so fast.

Sephiroth stopped and just looked at Zack's hand on his arm.

I'm pretty sure he's forgotten what it's like to have somebody just grab him like that.

Zack might not have been here for... other incidents, but he clearly understood there was something off with Sephiroth's reaction and he looked more than a little wary. He said, "Are you okay?"

Sephiroth laughed and my shoulders went up to my ears, I tell you. Zack stared at him like he'd never seen Sephiroth laugh before – come to think of it, when did Sephiroth start laughing so much? Because I thought, I heard, like, Sephiroth was the sort to never really – you know, out and out laugh. Not like he does now, anyway.

Zack said, "Sephiroth?" very warily. Then he said, "I'm sorry, I'm still a little on edge, tough mission, you know?"

Sephiroth's mouth did that twitching thing – you know, the thing where he's clearly trying not to grin at some sort of joke only Strife seems to get – and said, "Forgiven."

And he walked off. Just. Up and walked away and left Zack standing in the middle of the room looking like he didn't know what the heck had just happened.

Zack whirled around before Sephiroth reached the main desk and hollered after him that he was still expecting an explanation, damn it, and Sephiroth waved a hand without turning around. He signed for something at the desk – a box. I don't know, plain, white, pretty solid but not much bigger than a ream of paper – I'm not going to speculate.

Yeah, he opened it to check the contents but his back was blocking my view, I couldn't see anything. I asked around – nobody else got a good enough look either.

If I had to… clothing, maybe? I think a shirt box is what that sort of box is called if you care about that sort of thing? I don't know, a box is a box to me.

I think he meant to take it up to his office… does Sephiroth have an office? I'm sure he does officially but does he actually use it? Can people actually find him there? Anyway, I'm sure he meant to take the box somewhere but then things went from tense to hell in a hand-basket because Strife came skidding down the central staircase and he saw Zack –

His face just lit up. It was like – ha, like the sun on a cloudy day. His smile was the brightest thing I'd ever seen, and he was at Zack's side and saying 'hey Zack!' pretty much before I blinked.

Sephiroth saw Cloud – saw the look on his face, I should say – and went so utterly still I thought he'd been hit with Petrify. He stayed that way for four seconds – I counted – and then turned back and gave the box back to the secretary with some sort of terse command. She called someone over and gave them the box and they ran for the elevator with it, so I guess Sephiroth's order was to take it to his rumored office before he started tearing up the main lobby.

No, I don't think he said anything about tearing up the main lobby explicitly. I think the secretary and conscripted delivery person made a reasonable assumption based on prior examples of… incidents.

 

ITEM 4B.  
_Transcription of overheard conversation between First Class SOLDIER Zack Fair, Cloud Strife, and First Class SOLDIER Sephiroth, 19 August 10:10AM_

Zack: Hey! How's it going, Cloud?

Cloud: ...Fine, it's fine. Hey, Zack.

Zack: You said that already. You okay, buddy?

Cloud: Sure. When did you get back?

Zack: Yesterday! Crashed out waiting for somebody to catch me up on what's been going on since I left – weird, usually you can't stop the gossip flowing, huh?

Cloud: Uh.

Zack: But never mind that! I can just catch up with you!

Cloud: That'd be –

Sephiroth: Inadvisable.

Cloud: Nobody asked you.

Zack: Whoa, when you'd get cool with mouthing off at Sephiroth, huh, Cloud? You know how many people dare to do that? Not enough in my opinion!

Sephiroth: Nobody asked you.

Zack: ...okay, did you get called into the labs recently or what? Man, what is up with you today?

Sephiroth: Excuse us, Cloud. Zack and I have some business to discuss. SOLDIER to SOLDIER, you understand.

 

ITEM 4 (CONTINUED).  
_Transcription of verbal report by Harper_

You'd have thought Sephiroth had hit him instead of reminding him of their official ranks and clearance levels, the way Cloud reacted. What was left of that Zack-greeting smile just vanished, blink, gone. You could just see the defensiveness in his shoulders, a familiar sort of annoyance in his expression, like Sephiroth had made an old and tasteless joke at his expense and he might be used to it but it still poked something a little too tender for him to just shrug off.

"You go do that," he said in the blankest 'go screw yourself' voice I have ever heard.

Zack was looking between the two of them and frowning like he was about to say something but Sephiroth moved towards Cloud, and I don't think he meant to be threatening about it, I think maybe he even meant to ask – well, demand – what was wrong or what Cloud's problem was... It's just that ever since... you know... he doesn't move the same. Just about any move he makes seems to have some kind of undercurrent to it – that effortless intimidation he doesn't bother putting away any more. It rolls off Strife's back but for everybody else...

I personally would absolutely have an underwear malfunction if he stepped towards me that way, is all I'm saying.

Strife was absolutely ready to meet him whether he meant to intimidate him or not – I saw the way he shifted – but Zack…

Zack punched Sephiroth in the face.

I thought I'd gone deaf for a moment, it was like the sound of Zack's fist meeting Sephiroth's cheek had been so loud it wiped out everything else. My ears were full of white noise, and I could see people's mouths moving – mostly dropping open in shock – and I knew I should still be able to hear the humming of elevators or the gasps of the secretaries or the papers being dropped all over the floor but I couldn't because there was nothing but a faint ringing noise that sounded a lot like my soul screaming eternally into the abyss on another far away plane of existence.

No, I don't think I'm exaggerating.

Zack looked as surprised as anyone that he'd managed it but he's Zack so he went ahead and demanded Sephiroth take a step back from his friend anyway.

Sephiroth, he prodded his own cheek and looked – he looked amused. He said, he said, "I don't remember you being strong enough to take me down, Zack. Should we see if that's still true?"

I think Zack then said something like "let's just calm down" but I was making my own strategic exit so I can't be sure. If that was what he said, it didn't work.

 

ITEM 5.  
_The following transcript of Midgar Local News Broadcast, 19 August, sheds light on the aftermath of the aforementioned events_

Anchor Voice-Over: The residents of the Sector 8 Plaza were shocked this morning to witness a SOLDIER training exercise get out of hand, resulting in widespread devastation.

Resident [name not given]: I could not believe what I was seeing, I assure you! Ugh, you expect this sort of crassness from the lower orders, not members of SOLDIER! Disgraceful, I tell you.

Interviewer: What exactly did you see?

Resident: There I am, preparing to go shopping – personal shoppers just cannot be trusted to truly get the best deals, I'll have you know – why, I know someone, not mentioning any names, of course! Their shopper bought a _fake diamond_ necklace, can you _imagine!_ So there I am, preparing to go shopping, when all of a sudden I hear this truly _dreadful_ crashing and banging and just through my window I happen to see these two blurred shapes attacking each other! Shocking business, absolutely shocking!

Interviewer: What did you do?

Resident: Why, I just had to grab my second best fur coat and watch! They moved very fast, of course – SOLDIERs, don't you know – but the sound was _quite_ distinctive, two swords clashing and whatnot.

Interviewer: Did you recognise either of the two – it was only two?

Resident: Only two, though one wouldn't know it from the mess! I mean, just _look_ at that –! What a bother! Why they can't keep it to their actual training grounds, I ask you? I assume they _do_ have training grounds? Why else do I pay so much for my energy, hm? Anyway, yes, I recognised one of them of course, who _wouldn't_ in this city – hard to mistake that hair, god, it is just _wasted_ on a man –

[TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES PLEASE STAND BY]

**Archivist note:** _This news item was (partially) aired only once and nothing further of this incident appeared in other news outlets. It did cause some in-company chatter, however. The entire area being cordoned off might have exacerbated this._

 

ITEM 7.  
_Extracts of tape transcripts from Plate Sector 8 police radio communications_

11:01:15 -- DISPATCH: "Central (to) all units, immediate response required. Major disturbance reported across Sector 8 square, suspects two SOLDIERs engaged in combat. Any contact you need to hold and notify Central."

11:07:12 -- 1702: "Central, this is MP 9328, I am currently at Fountain Place, disturbance visible from--"

11:07:20 -- DISPATCH: "9328, aren't you on leave?"

11:07:33 -- 9328: "Central, I have eyes on the incident. Suggest calling in Turks – it's an S4 in progress."

11:07:39 -- DISPATCH: " **XXXX** "

11:09:12 -- 9328: "I've moved closer to try and ascertain the second individual involved. Second suspect has black hair... SOLDIER uniform, First Class, I think... weapon of choice is... technically a sword? It's about the same size as the man using it. Can't get any facial details at my current distance..."

11:09:45 -- 1229: "It's **XXXX**  Zack."

11:09:50 -- 9328: "Clarify, Central?"

11:10:13 -- DISPATCH: "Second suspect has been tentatively identified by MP 1229 as Zack Fair, First Class SOLDIER."

11:10:40 -- 9328: "Understood. ...Suspect 1 has just hit suspect 2 into solid concrete. Injuries unknown."

11:11:01 -- DISPATCH: "Are the roads clear enough for medical personnel to access?"

11:11:09 -- 9328: "Uh, unlikely."

11:12:39 -- 9328: "Holy – suspect 2 is... alive? He is standing again, not entirely sure how. Suspect 1 appears to be... monologuing?"

11:13:00 -- DISPATCH: "Can you report the conversation?"

11:13:10 -- 9328: "Sorry, Central, not that close."

11:13:15 -- 1229: "Don't apologise for wanting to live, idiot."

11:13:25 -- 1854: "I'm close enough to approach!"

11:13:30 -- DISPATCH: "Do not approach! Do not approach!"

11:14:05 -- 1854: "Wait, is that Sephiroth and Zack? Oh--"

[BREAK IN TRANSMISSION]

11:14:25 -- 1854: " **XXXX XXXX** ing **XXXX** \--"

11:14:44 -- 9328: "Just keep moving, it's gonna be fine, just keep moving, it's gonna be fine--"

[BREAK IN TRANSMISSION]

11:16:05 -- 1854: "Oh great Hades, lord of the underworld, generous host of the dead –"

11:16:15 -- 9328: "Keep running, you idiot!"

[BREAK IN TRANSMISSION]

11:16:50 -- 1854: "Oh my God, what is that idiot doing?! Is he seriously running _at_ them?!"

11:17:01 -- 9328: "Is that – oh ffff— no!"

11:17:06 -- DISPATCH: "Report, 9328!"

11:17:09 -- 9328: "Strife incoming!"

 

ITEM 8.  
_Transcript of preliminary verbal report of events from **[REDACTED]** of the Turks, partial, recorded 19 August_

Look, none of us meant to let Strife pass.

Can we finally admit we're about as useful and effective as if we were watching Sephiroth instead? You wouldn't blame us if it was _him_ going through us like a racing 'bo on steroids, can we maybe acknowledge that Strife is on the same damn level?

I think it's time to accept the new normal, we simply can't be effective if we're not treating our subject with the correct levels of caution.

Sorry, I'm just a little stressed.

It's not a mystery how Strife found them; you could hardly miss the trail of destruction. Are we billing either of them for that?

Yes, I'll try my best not to be facetious.

I have been following Strife since the events of August 14th. He's usually among the easiest subjects I've followed in my career because without Sephiroth around he is a lot calmer than reputation had led me to expect. After Sephiroth was... temporarily reassigned, Strife spent the majority of his time in the libraries, looking up back issues of the newspapers, cross-referencing – looked like he was trying to work out a timeline of people, places and events, though what merited his attention and what didn't is an arcane mystery to me.

Yes, I'll be filing my report soon. Would you like it in triplicate or--

I'm not being facetious, no.

I told you, I didn't stop his visits to the research libraries because I was impressed by the different ways he gained the appropriate keycards – I still recommend we teach new Turks his methods, they could prove useful – and because I worried about what he might do with such a harmless outlet closed to him.

He burned any notes he made at the end of his research sessions. It's why I started requesting an Ice Materia on a permanent basis for the duration, yes. I don't like the way he's been eyeing the scientific research library in particular.

I shouldn't have become accustomed to that level of calm. I should have arranged something with **[REDACTED]** to distract Sephiroth the minute it went around he was back in the city. There are a lot of things I should have done, I suppose.

I was informed Strife and Fair were friendly acquaintances, yes.

I'm sorry I thought Sephiroth had slightly more cool than a Bandersnatch dropped in the Corel Desert. It was an honest mistake on my part.

**[REDACTED]** and I managed to delay Strife for a crucial minute or two after Sephiroth and Fair's confrontation in the ShinRa HQ main lobby, but obviously that was not enough to prevent... future events.

Once Strife managed to get his head outside the door and saw the destruction outside, that it was it, there was no holding him back. It was step aside or get thrown aside, and frankly, I wouldn't have stood in his way even if I'd had a mastered Restore. Which I didn't.

We followed at a safe distance. It was... an experience.

We caught the end of it, yes. It was impressive, but obvious that Fair was on the defence and probably had been from the moment it started.

I don't know, the existence of Sephiroth's sweat glands is more a rumour than a verified fact, so that's one example of visible exertion we don't have. He didn't seem to be breathing heavily, he was talking quite comfortably, no audible signs of distress or effort. ...His hair might have been slightly disarrayed?

Fair was a mess, of course. He was on his feet, but it was obvious he'd taken some hard hits because he was fighting _Sephiroth_ , who may or may not have been playing around – I'm assuming he was because Fair is still alive.

Strife hit Sephiroth like a damn Behemoth while he was mid-sentence. He actually knocked him off his feet – I'm telling you, I am 99% certain I saw Sephiroth's boots leave the ground.

Honestly? I think he just looked offended at being interrupted.

They argued.

I call it arguing because their body language seemed combative – without actually being engaged in combat, of course – but their voices weren't raised enough to be audible to certain interested parties and Fair's confused glancing between them would indicate he wasn't entirely sure if he should step in either, as his profile seems to indicate he would in such circumstances. So maybe they were having a really annoyed conversation.

Sephiroth didn't like whatever it was Strife said, no. Strife didn't like whatever Sephiroth said back, and Fair looked like if he hadn't already been concussed, the conversation certainly wouldn't help.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad Sephiroth didn't react to Strife's intervention with yet more violence... it was just very tense. Stressful. Especially being unable to hear anything, when it's already been proven they can provoke each other into violence with words alone.

I shared notes with **[REDACTED]** ; they aren't complete, we need more time to verify – I have the preliminary ones here, yes, but--

 

ITEM 8A.  
_Notes regarding conversation between First Class Sephiroth and Cloud Strife_

S: [...] Cloud.

CS: Why […] Zack, what is your […] problem?

S: My problem? Cloud […] you not understand?

CS: Zack is my friend, you […]

S: Friend? Oh Cloud. […]

CS: What?

S: This world […] your life [… is? was?] a gift [to you] […] think, Cloud.

CS: What [are you] talking about [now]?

S: Look around you. I [brought?] this world [back?] for you.

S: [...]nothing more than [a memory] now?

 

ITEM 8 (CONTINUED)  
_Transcript of verbal report by **[REDACTED]**_

Strife looked increasingly stunned as the conversation went on, Sephiroth increasingly frustrated, and Fair increasingly confused. Judging that we probably wouldn't be getting any helpful information before the situation turned into violence again, I approached cautiously and appealed to Strife to allow us to remove Fair before he and Sephiroth began fighting again. I was extremely lucky in that Strife immediately dropped his confrontation with Sephiroth to focus on Fair and insisted on accompanying us.

I tried not to look at Sephiroth, if I'm honest.

...I would describe it as 'not best pleased'.

He did accompany us, yes. Even acted like a halfway sane person. Apologised to Fair and everything, although from the snort Strife gave I don't think he was forgiven, by Strife at least. Fair said they'd talk it out when he was Cured and that he was expecting some damn good answers, because Sephiroth was being a shitty friend and all he'd wanted was to make sure Strife had a good (possibly belated) birthday.

Even I felt a little sorry there, to be honest. Fair just sounded so plaintive.

Yes, I've arranged for bugs with **[REDACTED]**. If we're lucky, and Sephiroth doesn't... act like his unimproved self, we should be able to get that conversation on tape. _If_ we're lucky.

We returned to HQ at 12:02, handed Fair off to the doctors... I don't think I have anything left to add...

Oh wait, Sephiroth told Strife his birthday present was waiting on Floor 63, hidden in one of the storage rooms - he said he remembered Strife's love for poking around where he shouldn't and he expected him to have fun retrieving his present. Strife looked... suspicious.

Operating on the assumption that one disaster was enough for the day I managed to sneak the keycard Strife already had in his possession away from him, so that should buy a little time while he tries to get his hands on another one. Should we send a team to check the rooms?

Oh. I thought I was on leave to write my reports now?

...I'll just bring whatever it is here, shall I? I'm sure we can add it to our 'Strife makes no fucking sense' file.

**Archivist note:** _It was a silk dress? Note included, handwriting verified as Sephiroth's: 'I know how fond you were of this. Didn't you carry it with you to the Crater?' ...I feel like we know both far too much and not enough here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sefikura week? Nobody tells me anything...


End file.
